DEAR CHERYL: It’s been almost 10 years since my wife ran off with a guy from work, and I haven’t even been able to get a date with a single girl! I’m active in all sorts of church functions. I go to concerts. I go to museums. I bicycle ride. I hang out downtown and love to go out to eat. I refuse to go to a gym because athletes are losers.
I love to travel. I once even had a free trip to Jamaica and still couldn’t get a girl to go! I’ve even stopped looking because it’s said you find someone when not looking, and guess what? Nothing. To try not to seem desperate, I just walk away from women and never see them again.
I don’t smoke. I drink occasionally, unfortunately not enough to drown my sorrows. I don’t do drugs, but I’m thinking it might be something to do. I pray for death. Everyone tells me I’m a nice guy, but that’s the kiss of death. I’ve always tried to be a better person. I’m a self-employed professional. I’ve accomplished much in life, and I’m very happy with myself. I’m 47, but I feel like I’m 25.
DEAR TEN-YEAR MAN, You don’t need a date; you need a shrink. I’m not trying to make light of your problem. I’m trying to get you to see that you have some fundamental issues that need to be addressed before you’re in a position to have a relationship.
You say you feel like you’re 25, yet you’re praying for death? You’re “very happy” with yourself, but you “walk away from women” in order not to seem desperate? These statements don’t add up.
I also find your comment about athletes and exercise bizarre. Many people have improved their bodies and their health in the gym and found that the self-confidence it gave them carried over to other aspects of their life. Please seek out a therapist you feel comfortable with and work on your problems.
DEAR CHERYL: My wife died when I was 44. We had a 2-year-old son. I’m now 51, and my son is 9. Women my age don’t even want to know me. Their kids have moved out, they’ve gotten rid of their husbands, and now they want to travel the world and party. Women who do have kids my son’s age think I’m too old!
I haven’t had a date in almost two years. I joined two online dating services last month and only got one response from a girl 100 miles away. I have two close women friends, but I miss someone to hold and touch and go out with. Still, I’m hanging in there.
DEAR SINGLE DAD: I agree that a 51-year-old man with a 9-year-old son may not be every woman’s idea of a great catch. But, the good news is, there are women out there who would enjoy the challenge. Now you just have to find them. Online dating may not be right for you because you have to be upfront about your circumstances and that may turn them off. You’re better off getting to know someone as a friend and then letting the friendship turn into a romance.
So, how do you make that happen?
Get involved in activities you enjoy that bring men and women together — co-ed sports, exercise, hobbies, clubs, etc. Put yourself out there and meet some women and make some new friends. One or two of them may be possible dates or they may know someone to set you up with. Good luck, and keep me informed.
Got a problem? Or a question? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Check out my new website askcheryl.net.