Where is David Stern when you need him? In 2011, he vetoed a three-team deal that would’ve sent Chris Paul to the Lakers because he determined it wasn’t in the best interests of the league-owned Hornets at the time.
So how is it in the best interests of the league now to have Phil Jackson running the Knicks and Jeanie Buss running the Lakers? There’s this really tall new commissioner, Adam Silver, who looks really small if he’s going to permit the engaged lovebirds to run different teams from the same king-sized bed.
Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Uh, yeah, over here, Mr. Officiant.
It’s called CONFLICT OF INTEREST.
If the NBA is going to allow Phil and Jeanie to run their competing teams under the same skylight, at the very least the commissioner must disallow their impending marriage.
Engagement off. Rings returned. End of story.
Phil and Jeanie are the oddest power couple in America. Two years ago, they replaced their alarm clocks with shot clocks; now they’re each sleeping with the enemy. Frankly, I think it takes a lot of romance out of the relationship when pillow talk revolves around the mid-level exception.
Sure, the league might ban them from discussing league issues at home, but what do you think they’re texting about all day, whether to set up the wedding registry at Bed Bath & Beyond or Big & Tall? Please. In fact, Couch Slouch has obtained recent Phil and Jeanie texts; you be the judge.
Here are some of Phil’s texts to Jeanie:
“Just saw what Miguel Cabrera got from the Tigers — maybe I should’ve held out for $15M a year.”
“If we ever go on a honeymoon, I’ll show you the triangle offense like you’ve never seen it before.”
“Suggested to Jim Dolan that he bring back Marv Albert. He looked at me like I was Isiah Thomas on LSD.”
“Every meeting here is a disaster — it reminds me of when I was a Bulls assistant, listening to Doug Collins during timeouts.”
“Next time you see your brother, let him know that as a second-generation NBA owner, he makes a very good drinking buddy.”
“Why don’t you and Jimmy swap out your D-League team for your NBA team and see if Jack even notices.”
And here are some of Jeanie’s texts to Phil:
“Enjoy Jim Dolan. He makes my brother look like Branch Rickey.”
“You’re always so contrarian — why don’t you suggest the Knicks move to New Jersey?”
“Speaking of contrarian, why don’t you hire Mike D’Antoni as your coach? LOL.”
“Do you know what I love most about you? Tim Hardaway Jr. Would be a great, belated Valentine’s Day gift.”
“You really turn me on when you talk amnesty clause.”
Ask The Slouch
Q. The Mets’ Daniel Murphy missed the first two games of the season on “paternity leave.” It’s 2014 — shouldn’t he have played and just watched his wife give birth via Skype? (Steve Jacobs; Albany, N.Y.)
A. I remember my dad went to get some Muriel Coronellas at the corner store and never came back — now, that was paternity leave.
Q. Do you consider Daniel Snyder and DeSean Jackson to be a good fit? Or is it just a bad marriage of convenience? (Gerald Hirsch; Spokane, Wash.)
A. The deal clincher, I’m told, is that to honor Jackson’s heritage, Snyder will change the team name to the Washington Cripskins.
Q. If NCAA officials refereed a wedding receiving line, how long would it take for the bride and groom to foul out? (Scott D. Shuster; Watertown, Mass.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!