The Letterman file . . .   

Dave didn’t want any press.

Too bad.

He was a hoot!

A heavily bearded David Letterman showed up at a fundraiser Tuesday night at Carnivale eatery, where he pitched for U.S. Senate hopeful Rep. Tammy Duckworth, D-Ill., and got off a few good lines.

For instance:

• “People always say, Dave, what do you do for fun in Indianapolis? Well, you get to Indianapolis, you rent a car and go to Chicago.”

• “Me being here tonight is absolute proof positive that the election is rigged!”

• “Nobody loves the World Series more than I do, and we’re getting close, but honest to God, does it always have to be the Cubs? Give somebody else a chance, for heaven’s sake!”

And about that Santa Claus beard he now sports: “My family hates it. My son hates it. But it gives me a sense of freedom.”

• Among the 250 attendees were: Radio mavens Bob Sirott and Marianne Murciano, Christie Hefner, Carnivale owner Bill Marovitz, Ald. Tom Tunney (44th), U.S. Rep. Jan Schakowsky, D-Ill., U.S. Rep. Cheri Bustos, D-Ill., and a ton of politicos.

“Letterman was raised in Indianapolis and loved listening to WLS and WCFL radio,” Sirott said. “He was amazed to know Dick Biondi was still on the air!”

Me too.

Moving on? 

Sneed keeps hearing whispers President Barack Obama and the first lady are noodling the possibility of selling their Kenwood house and packing up in anticipation of eventually using a residence in the Obama Presidential Center when visiting Chicago.

But word is that one of Obama’s Kenwood neighbors, who was in attendance at the Obamas’ last State Dinner on Tuesday night, was hoping they never leave their Kenwood digs.

“He kept saying the security was great for the neighborhood,” a Sneed source in attendance at the dinner said.

Pass the bread, please . . . 

Flotsam and jetsetsam at White House tables Tuesday night: Gayle King was there, but Oprah Winfrey was not; Chance the Rapper was the first to hit the dance floor, but he didn’t sing; legendary singer James Taylor was invited, but he was not asked to perform; the table with George Stephanopoulos, designer Michael Smith, and actor John Turturro was deemed the table having the most fun; in the midst of a million selfies being snapped — Chicago’s Ertharin Cousin, the executive director of the U.N. World Food Programme who lives in Rome, talked about her prized selfie with Pope Francis.

A Rose is a Rose is a . . . 

It’s all over.

Derrick Rose is on his way back to New York as we speak,” said Chicago attorney Michael Monico, one of two attorneys representing the basketball star and his two Chicago pals found not guilty Wednesday in a civil sexual assault jury trial in Los Angeles.

“There was no time for a celebration,” Monico said.

“Derrick’s son, P.J., who has been in L.A. to see his dad, is on his way back to Chicago to celebrate the birthday he missed while his dad was on trial,” said Monico, who went to the Cubs NLCS Game 3 versus the L.A. Dodgers on Tuesday night.

“I’m told Rose plans to play against the Brooklyn Nets Thursday night — he’s anxious to head back to his New York Knicks team.”

Hey! Hey!

It’s optimism time!

Comedian Tom Dreesen and Chicago actor Gary Sinise hung out in the Ricketts’ box at Dodger Stadium Wednesday night. “We got to think positive,” chirped Dreesen, who also hung out with Chicago natives Bonnie Hunt, Brad Morris and Aimee Garcia.

Joe Mantegna couldn’t make it — he was shooting his TV series “Criminal Minds,” Dreesen said. “But all the Chicago locals go to his “Taste Chicago” eatery in Burbank to watch the Cubs game and eat Chicago food favorites.”

Sneedlings . . .

I spy: Former Cubs father-son duo Randy and Todd Hundley were spotted watching NLCS Game 3 with fans at Harry Caray’s Steakhouse on Tuesday night. . . . Comedian Joel Murray also at Harry Caray’s on Tuesday night. . . .  Cubs rookie catcher Willson Contreras spotted at the Michael Jordan store on State Street on Friday night. . . . “Chicago P.D.” actress Barbara Eve Harris at La Scarola last Thursday night. . . . Today’s birthdays: Snoop Dogg, 45; Tom Petty, 66, Rick Jasculca, priceless.