Sue Ontiveros: Forget TV, here’s the life of a Real Housewife

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Another day, another bag of my mother’s papers to sift through.

It wasn’t until the last months of her life – when I was again spending days and nights in my childhood home – that it sunk in that my 86-year-old mother kept everything. Meticulously cleaned, neatly folded, but still, everything.

She had a particularly hard time parting with paperwork – always saying to me, “but what if I need it” when I’d call her on it. I’m tempted to just toss everything, but something important – maybe money! – might also be in these bags.

Plus, I promised her that after she was gone I’d go through it all. So I do before trashing or taking stuff to be shredded. It’s rare, but I do encounter valuable papers; money-wise, just two $2 bills. (A big thumbs-up to those free shredding events held at the various city offices. A godsend!)

I park myself in front of a TV, often in the early hours of the morning, while I sift and sort. And while flipping from channel to channel, I immediately get annoyed when I run into the one showing those “Real Housewives” of wherever.

Those babes – with their fake hair, phony parts, crude manners and ugly personalities – have nothing to do with being Real Housewives.

My mother was a Real Housewife.

Oh, the politically correct might quibble with that term. But I don’t think Mom would. She knew what her place was in the world and she was more than OK with it.

She embraced – no, relished – her role as caretaker of our Dad, us kids and our home. Mom did it all with love and a firm commitment to do it well. Those who knew her realized that despite her role she was not some conforming wallflower taking orders from my dad. Decision-making was a joint venture, although quite honestly it was Mom, our home manager, who called the shots. She just let Dad think he was in on the decisions.

Mom cooked, cleaned and polished with a flourish. She never drove, but that didn’t keep her from running all the household errands on foot.

Many a day we’d come home from school only to discover her sprinkling powdered sugar over piping hot donuts. Or I’d race in the door to find my Barbie perched on the piano wearing a dress mom had sewn that day. They were treats, but also her way of saying: glad to see you back.

But it wasn’t simply tending to things. Mom took care of people. She said to me once: “As long as my kids are OK, then I am too.” And that was the truth. One of us would hit a rough patch and her concern and advice would see us through.

She took care of not just her immediate family, but extended family, friends and neighbors. Mom always wanted people to know she remembered their personal events and was thinking of them. After her death, many told me of a sweet, handwritten note she sent or the annual birthday or anniversary card, sometimes handmade by her.

Later, as grandkids and great-grandkids came along, their well-being was of utmost importance to her too. Up until this winter, she still was making Sunday dinners for whoever wanted to come by to eat, talk, laugh and maybe watch a movie.

Yes, Lois Ontiveros was a Real Housewife, and she did the title proud.

Email: sueontiveros.cst@gmail.com

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