The capper: Plenty of other best-in-show awards for Theo Epstein

When Fortune magazine named Cubs president Theo Epstein the World’s Greatest Leader of 2017 — ahead of Pope Francis, among others — I had three questions:

1. Had the competition been open to public voting?

2. If so, how many days in a row did TV and radio talk-show host and super-exuberant Theo guy David Kaplan go without sleep?

3. Given the damage that repetitive computer voting can do, is Kaplan now wearing a carpal-tunnel brace on one wrist or two?

As it turned out, there wasn’t any public voting. A panel of ‘‘expert advisers’’ nominated candidates, and the magazine made its selection. My pal Kaplan, who has a book coming out about the Cubs’ championship season, surely feels gratified that other people see things the way he does, which is to say with hearts for eyes.

I’ll leave it to public discussion whether the man who put together a baseball team that won the Cubs’ first World Series in 108 years is a better leader than a shepherd with a flock of 1.2 billion Catholics. But, as Kaplan might say, let’s see Pope Francis deal with payroll restraints and Gordon Wittenmyer, the Cubs beat writer for the Sun-Times.

Here are some other awards Epstein might or might not have won, each with a description and a quote that might or might not have come from Kaplan:

World’s Smartest Man (Scientific American)

The magazine lauded Epstein for his metrics-driven approach to baseball but said applying ‘‘Einstein-like’’ mathematical reasoning to any field of study that includes John Lackey is a complete waste.

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘I can’t disagree with this award, either. One time, I was having lunch at Lou Malnati’s — try the pizza — and who do you think walks in? Michael Jordan. Couldn’t have been nicer.’’

World’s Most Creative Lover (Cosmopolitan)

The magazine said Epstein’s ‘‘soulful eyes’’ speak of someone who is tender, giving and adventurous.

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘No question. Anecdotally, of course.’’

World’s Best Planner (AARP the Magazine)

By now, most everyone has heard about The Plan, Epstein’s long-term approach to building a consistent winner. AARP says The Plan can be applied to retirement planning. Oddly, AARP couldn’t find one financial planner who thought tanking for several years would help one’s nest egg.

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘I don’t like to think about the aging process.’’

World’s Greatest Scout (Bird Watcher’s Digest)

Epstein has fought the perception that he’s a numbers-only baseball man, taking pains to point out the Cubs also look closely at mental makeup and character when judging a player. It’s why this magazine, known for feature stories about the mating habits of hummingbirds, is honoring him. Editors said Epstein’s ability to find ‘‘species that others miss’’ is similar to that of legendary birder Wilber Thrush, who, sadly, died of a rare binocular-borne eye disease.

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘I’d like to think I’m the wind beneath Theo’s wings.’’

World’s Greatest Guitar Player (Guitar World)

Epstein has shared the stage with Eddie Vedder during fundraising concerts. Guitar World said Theo ‘‘can play left-handed like Hendrix, but his RAR — Riffs Above Replacement — soars when he plays righty.’’

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘He’s a ridiculous shredder. It reminds me of the time I was shopping for wheatgrass juice at Whole Foods and ran into Ted Nugent, of all people. I walk up to him, introduce myself and tell him I’m a huge fan. He says — and I’m quoting him word for word here — ‘Venison is so misunderstood.’ He turns on his heel and heads for the door. It was like getting hit with a thunderbolt or getting a free pair of fancy socks for buying 10 pairs of fancy socks. Now I don’t go anywhere without a bag of venison jerky that I get from my jerky guy in Indiana. The best!’’

World’s Best Writer (The Paris Review)

This award is based almost entirely on Epstein’s speech about baseball at his introductory news conference with the Cubs. A sampling: ‘‘Baseball is better with tradition, baseball is better with history, baseball is better with fans who care, baseball is better in ballparks like this, baseball is better during the day.’’ Editors said they were parched from wanting more from a man who says he rarely has time to write.

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘Little-known fact: Theo wrote ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ under a pen name because he knew the novel wouldn’t go over well with the Bird Watcher’s Digest people. Also, that book I’ve written about the Cubs? There’s no hiding Theo’s literary contributions to it. If you see a particularly poetic paragraph, that was Theo’s hand. Phrases such as ‘Epstein’s movie-star good looks’ and ‘his almost alabaster skin’ — those were mine.’’

World’s Best Dresser (GQ)

Editors said Epstein’s ability to ‘‘marry modern sensibility with old-school sophistication without making it look like he’s trying’’ easily put him ahead of his competitors.

Kaplan’s take: ‘‘He’s the second-best dresser in the world.’’

Follow me on Twitter @MorrisseyCST.

Email: rmorrissey@suntimes.com