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Bears, Cutler can’t walk or talk in ugly loss to Saints

Bears general manager Phil Emery didn’t talk publicly about the Aaron Kromer scandal while it convulsed for three days. When he finally did speak up Monday, I found myself pining for those good, old days.

The short version of what Emery told WBBM-AM is that however the Bears handled the gabby offensive coordinator’s indiscretion, coach Marc Trestman did all of the handling.

The longer version was about 900 consecutive words of torturous management-speak, and I don’t want to do that to you. But there was this beauty from Emery:

“There’s no Alexander Haig moves pulled during this situation. For our fans that don’t remember the situation when President Reagan was shot, (the secretary of state) stepped in and said, ‘I’m in control,’ when in fact he wasn’t. So, you know, this was Marc’s decision because that’s the way we were set up.’’

Pick your poison:

– Watching the Bears and Jay Cutler soil the rug in a 31-15 loss to the Saints on Monday night.

– Listening to Emery yammer on about how the Bears handled a crisis.

– Stabbing yourself in the eye with a fork.

Taking in Monday night’s matchup of two 5-8 teams would have been tough anyway, but the Kromer mess hung over the game like a funeral pall. A primer on the scandal: The NFL Network quoted an anonymous source who was critical of Cutler. The Bears somehow found out that Kromer was the source. Someone in the organization thought it was a good idea to let Kromer apologize to the offense at a meeting, the details of which showed up in a Chicago Tribune story a few days later, quoting anonymous players. Nobody lost his job.

Emery said Monday he was furious that Kromer had discussed team issues with a media member, but because the Bears are “set up in a top-down, very much a military fashion,’’ Trestman handled the situation rather than refer it to his boss, Emery.

I don’t want to say this is an example of passing the buck, but Emery is being treated for rotator-cuff issues.

“Marc had a dilemma,’’ he said. “I would say that his dilemma and all the issues revolving around this decision — you could lay this out in M.B.A. class and talk about in terms of how a decision is made, how are leaders formed, how do leaders make decisions.

“Part of that is very tough because you always have to treat people with respect. You have to have restraint of your emotions before you make decisions which involve the common good or involve the best interest of the team. … But once you work through it, you have to make decisions which are in the best interest of everybody moving forward.’’

As I’ve said before, fire everybody.

Let’s not belabor this. The Bears were broken before Kromer whispered to an NFL Network reporter. This just opened the curtain a crack for all to see.

The product on the field reflects the chaos of the past 10 days. On Monday night, with a national audience watching, the Bears were called for having too few players on the line for a fake punt, in which they, of course, failed to get a first down anyway. They had only 10 players on the field at the time. Listen, Phil, we wouldn’t have won World War II with that kind of “military’’ precision.

Cutler threw an interception on the first series, which is the kind of thing he does. He would go on to throw two more picks. The Saints sacked him seven times. He finished with a 55.8 passer rating, which sounds bad, but not compared with his 10.0 rating after the first quarter. Keep in mind that New Orleans came into the game second from last in the league in yards allowed. After the game, Cutler answered three questions at a sparsely attended news conference and left.

This was as dismal a game as you’ll see. It wasn’t the abomination the Bears offered the world in dreadful back-to-back losses to the Patriots and the Packers. But a bad defense watched as Drew Brees threw for 375 yards and three touchdowns.

It’s said that we get the government we deserve, because we the people speak with our votes. I don’t know what anyone did to deserve these Bears. Was it something we said? What do the McCaskeys have against Chicago?

The Bears employ a general manager who talks about Alexander Haig, and they have a pacifist head coach who, when he errs, errs on the side of having too few players on the field. Welcome to football hell.

INTERACTIVE GRAPHIC: Where Bears fans live