Gruber, Ebola, tea party make Dingell’s holiday jingle

Retiring Rep. John Dingell, R-Michigan, the man who has the best Twitter account in Congress, released his annual holiday jingle on Buzzfeed, and as usual, it’s a gem.

He manages to hit all the major points, including Jonathan Grube, Ebola, Eric Cantor’s loss, and his recent fall where he fractured a hip — and of course, his confusion over what the heck’s a Kardashian?

Here’s the jingle, in its entirety:

‘Twas just days before Dems lost control of the Senate

Handing over the reins to whoever’s left in it.

But amidst all the partisan clanking and clatter

Thought I’d write you a poem and highlight a few matters

Looking back on my career and the year in reflection

For I’m hanging it up, after 30 elections.

The last two years proved to be both a challenge and treat:

Became the longest-serving member! Shared a stage with Meryl Streep!

Earned the Medal of Freedom! Even passed legislation!

All this in the face of Congressional stagnation.

And though Congress moved slow, in its usual fashion

My one question remained: what the heck’s a Kardashian?

But at 88 years old, balance gets a bit awkward,

I hurt my hip in a fall, and ended up at the doctor.

On the mend, I’m recovering for at least a few weeks

But I’m still working hard, via phone calls and tweets

Keeping up with my people, finding ways to say hello

I figured out Google Glass. But does anyone still use Ello?

From Gruber to Ebola, I’ve survived this year’s banter.

Think the Tea Party’s dead? You should ask my friend Cantor.

Cruz’s latest ploy backfired, ushering through nominations

Like a new Surgeon General, and a head of immigration

Made our Cabinet stronger, reaffirmed our world power

If Ash Carter doesn’t work, well there’s always Tim Howard

And so our nation must make an important decision

One that’s certain to split us, and unearth deep division

We’ll dissect every word, every small thing they say

‘Til we finally learn: Was it Adnan or Jay?

And, oh yeah, there’s that one other decision we face

Of who will enter, and win, the 2016 race

So the election’s now upon us, and amidst all the hintin’

There’ll be a line of new choices [and a Bush, and a Clinton]

As folks “actively explore,” and throw their hats in the ring

We must look at their records, and the experience they bring

As for me, I’ve never been one to create a big scene

So Happy Holidays to all, DINGELL 2016!