Dear Abby: He wants to spice up their sex life, but she is not interested

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for quite a while, and our intimate life became monotonous and unimaginative a long time ago. Over the years I have suggested we try things like role-playing and other non-extreme variations during intimate times. My suggestions were met with rolling eyes and retorts like, “I’m your wife, not a hooker.” I finally gave up and try to be content with what we have together.

Then one evening she surprised me and did one of the things I had suggested. It was very nice and she seemed to like it, too. I didn’t know what to say to her. “Thank you” somehow seemed condescending. We have done nothing like it since.

I doubt if the answer is in the etiquette books. What should I have said to her to let her know how much I appreciated her loosening up and hope it will perhaps make her more comfortable spicing things up in the future?

— Etiquette Advocate in San Diego

Dear Advocate: Praise is a powerful incentive. Flowers would have been nice. But since you didn’t send any, try this: Invite your wife out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Tell her how surprised and delighted you were with the special surprise she gave you. A small gift to commemorate the occasion couldn’t hurt either.

A satisfying sex life is all about communication, and if my mail is any indicator, if more wives were uninhibited in the bedroom, there would be a lot less business for the “professionals.”

Dear Abby: I have been dating a wonderful man for two years and am in hopes of getting a proposal soon. We are both committed to staying pure before marriage and have not been intimate.

My question to you is, do I have to tell him, now or ever, that I have had breast implants? I did it several years ago, and it greatly improved my self-esteem. I’m glad I did it.

Since he has never felt any breasts, if I tell him, my fear is he will get hung up on the thought, “I wonder what real breasts feel like.” On the other hand, if I don’t tell him and sometime in the future he finds out, he may be like, “I can’t believe you kept that from me.” What would you advise?

— Reticent in Kentucky

Dear Reticent: Many women have breast-enhancement surgery so their figures will be more balanced. For the reason you have mentioned, you should tell your boyfriend. It should make no difference to him. However, if it does, it’s better that you know now before you spend any more time on someone who measures the worth of a woman by how “real” her breasts are.

P.S. If he wants to know what “real” breasts feel like, tell him to go hug his mother.

Thought for the Day: I’ll pass along this pithy sentiment shared with me by former California Gov. Gray Davis. In a commencement speech to students graduating from Columbia Law School, David told them: “School is fair. Life is not. Just get used to it.”

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