You can’t turn on the TV these days without hitting a “Law and Order” or a “CSI.” People love detective shows. And playing detective. And the Internet makes it so easy . . .
SASHA: I’m 52, attractive, active, perky, never married. When I date, you bet I check the guys out! If someone tells me he’s divorced and owns a home, I read his divorce file and check to see if he does own the property and if there are numerous liens on it. I check to see if he’s declared bankruptcy or has pending criminal cases or orders of protection against him.
This may seem psycho and overly dramatic, but believe me not everyone is what he appears to be and sweet, nice-acting people can and do lie. I’m in law enforcement, and I’ve been fooled and lied to even by people in my line of work.
I don’t use any tools that only are available to law enforcement because that would be illegal, and I would never jeopardize my job. I use tools that are available to everyone. The documents I’ve mentioned are public record. All you have to do is dig. People put more time and energy into researching a new car, TV, computer than they do into whom they’re letting into their house, heart, and life.
ELIZABETH: A month before my wedding to the man of my dreams, my friend said her boyfriend wanted to throw my guy a bachelor party. I was all for it. He hesitated at first, but I encouraged him to go, telling him he’d have a great time. I knew the place they were going to had exotic dancers that kept a few strips of clothing on, so I wasn’t worried about anything inappropriate happening.
He went to the party and came home drunk and happy. Early the next morning, before I woke up, he took a shower. Not his usual M.O. I didn’t think too much about it until I heard about the evening from his brother and mine. My fiancé was up on stage, and the women undressed him and wrote all over his chest and back in black marker. He was afraid I’d see what was written.
I didn’t have any problems with a strip club, bachelor party, lap dance or black marker. What I did have a problem with was the secrecy that was born that night.
After that evening, my husband would often frequent that establishment, along with other less clothed clubs in the area. This lead to a severe decline in our relationship, and intimacy became nil.
Where are we now? We’re no longer married. I’m now married to a wonderful man who declined having a bachelor party before we got married, without knowing this story. I had told him it would be absolutely fine with me if he went to a strip club with the boys. He said he would feel disloyal and unfaithful if he were to look at other women when he’s committed to me. He’s the real man of my dreams.
Have you ever played detective in a relationship? What have you learned? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to email@example.com.
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