DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I both have professional careers and are independent. We have been in a committed relationship for eight years now.
When we first met, I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship. He pulled all the stops to get me to date him. He was attentive, complimentary, dinner dates, movies, etc. He was the first to say “I love you.” Prince Charming had nothing on him.
When he knew I had finally fallen for him, the chase was over and everything came to a screeching halt. No more dates, no more I-love-yous. Everything he did to get me to fall in love with him stopped. The man I fell for doesn’t exist anymore. If I ask him if he loves me, he tells me I shouldn’t be insecure and needy.
I told him hearing the words mean a lot to me, but the words seem to have been deleted from his vocabulary. Any suggestions on how I can get him to understand how I need to hear it from him? — LONGING FOR ‘I LOVE YOU’
DEAR LONGING: You have already told your boyfriend what you need. Now it’s time to find out why he is unwilling to give it to you. Then ask yourself if you want to continue like this indefinitely, because he appears to have changed considerably.
Is he the kind of husband you would want for a lifetime? If not, you might be better off with someone more responsive, because this appears to be the status quo, and the man has shown himself to be unlikely to change.
DEAR ABBY: With technology the way it is today and everyone taking photos and videos of everyone around them, are there any new rules of etiquette? I’m asking because of a couple situations I’ve been in lately.
The other day I was kayaking with some people I met online. While I was rowing, struggling to catch up with those who were faster, breathing hard and sweating, a kayaker in front of me whom I had just met started videotaping me. I didn’t want to be videotaped, but I didn’t want to break my stride and explain. Yesterday I was in a hot spring at a health spa, wearing a swimsuit. I looked up and a woman I didn’t know was about to take a photo of two other women. I was in the background. Fortunately, I was able to leap out of the way, and the only part of me that might have been photographed was my backside.
In both situations I was uncomfortable, but I did nothing to stop it. What is a polite way to ask someone to stop? — PHOTO-SHY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR PHOTO-SHY: It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “Please don’t do that,” or “Let me get out of range.” If the photographer has any manners, he/she will accommodate you.
DEAR ABBY: My husband never gets me anything for Mother’s Day. We have two children. He says, “You’re not my mother!” What do you think? — HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR HURT: Is your husband the father of your children? If the answer is yes, I think the man you married is thoughtless, insensitive or cheap.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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