Dear Abby: As surgery douses man’s fire, wife left in the cold

DEAR ABBY: Eleven years ago my husband had a prostatectomy, which left him impotent. His sex drive dropped from 100 to zero. I have told him many times I don’t care what he can or can’t do. I have also told him I married him in sickness and health, and if this is the worst thing to happen, we are pretty lucky.

This is the man I couldn’t walk by for many years without him all over me. We made love two or three times a day. I miss the man I married desperately. He is the one who had surgery, but I didn’t. I would never cheat on him, but I don’t know what to do. Anytime we are intimate, it is always my idea, never his. I feel lost and hope you can help. — LOST IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LOST: In one paragraph you tell me that you don’t care what your husband can or can’t do. In the next you tell me you miss the man he was and need more than you’re getting. Here’s what I advise: Have a talk with your husband, and suggest that he have a talk with his urologist. There are medical interventions that could improve the state of your union, but only if he is aware of them and is willing to avail himself.

DEAR ABBY: One of my male friends is having a child with a woman he is not married to and isn’t dating. I want to throw a baby shower/party for him, and he seems excited about it. I will invite the mother of his future child, but I don’t really know her. The party is more for my friend. Our circle of friends thinks it’s strange to throw a baby shower for a male. Am I breaking some rule of etiquette here? — BROOKE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR BROOKE: Is the mother of the child a surrogate and is he planning to be a father to the child, or was she impregnated during a one-night stand? Baby showers are supposed to be for the BABY, and the mother-to-be is usually the star of the show, not an add-on. If your friend’s participation ended at conception, he is not entitled to a shower.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and “blessed” with a young face. All my life I’ve been told it’s a gift, and I should be thankful people assume I’m much younger than my age. Now that I’m married and have a family (three children under the age of 5), I often find myself on the receiving end of dirty looks from total strangers.

My husband works night shifts, so I often run errands with my children. As much as I love spending time with them, the trips can be unpleasant for me. I constantly spot women checking to see if I’m wearing a wedding band or engagement ring. I have also overheard comments about single teen mothers and the judgmental things people say about them. How can I tactfully handle these situations while being a good role model for my kids? — BLESSED IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR BLESSED: The way to handle rude remarks would be to ignore them, and to remember to wear your wedding band when you and your children are out running errands.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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