DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman and currently live with my boyfriend. We have a child. Before we started living together, we discussed having an open relationship. We realized how messy it can be, so we agreed on having a “free pass” with ONE person, ONE time.
I have met that person; it is a woman. At first, my boyfriend was OK with it. But now that I’m ready to do it, he’s acting jealous. I told him I would stand by his side if he changed his mind about me doing this, but I’m excited to experience this alone and not have him involved. Help, please, Abby? — CARRYING OUT THE PLAN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CARRYING OUT: Your boyfriend may be feeling insecure because he is afraid of losing you. But this is what he agreed to: a “free pass” with one person. If you feel you need to further explore your sexuality and he is unwilling to allow it, then it’s time to rethink your relationship with him because you may not be as suited to each other as you both thought. And, by the way, the same may be true for him. If he needs someone who is a one-man woman, then you may not be it.
DEAR ABBY: My son “Pete” is a felon from an incident that cost him six years in a federal penitentiary. He has one more year left on parole. He married a professional “psychic” he met online who we believe has borderline personality disorder. There have been several instances of serious physical abuse toward my son.
He is constantly trying to adapt to her ever-changing moods to reduce these conflicts, to no avail. Yesterday she smashed a coffee pot into Pete’s face, causing a 3-inch gash. Then she took his guitar and smashed in the windows of his truck. When she’s not violent, she threatens to kill herself.
She recently moved here from the U.K. and must maintain a living situation with her husband for at least a year to establish citizenship. Pete wants to stick it out for the sake of his wife’s daughter. I think my son should call the police and make a report, but he is afraid of how she would retaliate. She knows his background and could accuse him of anything, if it comes down to a “he said/she said” situation. I’m not sure what to do, Abby. Any thoughts? — DESPERATE MOM IN MARYLAND
DEAR DESPERATE MOM: For his own safety, your son should not continue living with someone as volatile as this woman. Pete could be even more seriously injured in her next attack if he stays.
When she acts out again — notice I didn’t say “if” — I agree that he should call the police and make a report. He should also go to an emergency room for treatment and to have his injuries photographed. If his parole officer doesn’t know what has been going on, he or she should be informed. If Pete thinks his wife could harm her daughter, he should report it to child protective services.
He should never have allowed himself to be held hostage by her threats to kill herself, which is classic emotional blackmail. This “citizenship” marriage has been a sham from the beginning, and your son should end it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby/Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.