Dear Abby: Boyfriend points lens at other women

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are mature adults who enjoy photography. He brings his camera when we go to the beach or sporting events — even to the store. He’s learning all the time about how to use light correctly and his zoom lens.When we get back and I download the pics from his camera, the majority of shots are of women’s chests, behinds and pretty faces. He has snapped many of them while they were standing right next to me. (There are very few shots of me — ever.) When I ask if he wants me to delete the photos, he says no.

I don’t understand why he would keep pictures of strangers. He says he’s like any photographer; he likes to review his photos.

I tell him it hurts my feelings to think he enjoys looking at other women more than at me. It would be different if they were beautiful portraits, but they’re not.

It is painful that I’m not included. Am I wrong to feel unimportant and ignored? — OUT OF THE PICTURE

DEAR OUT: You are entitled to your feelings, and they may be justified. Because you identify this man as your boyfriend, I assume you have an exclusive relationship.

There will always be women around who are younger and prettier. That’s life. Because you can’t control his taste in subjects, my advice is to quit downloading his pictures for him if they make you uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have a loving relationship. He is affectionate — hugging, kissing, etc. But he doesn’t have a high libido, which I am concerned about because he’s only 26.

He has confessed to me he’s had relations with men in the past, and I’m thinking he may be bisexual. While that does not concern me whatsoever (after all, it’s one thing to be attracted to someone and another thing entirely to cheat), I worry that he thinks he couldn’t share this with me, and that it may lead to lies.

I am also worried that if I confront him with this, he may be offended or think I think less of him. What should I do? — LOVING RELATIONSHIP IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LOVING: You and your fiance are overdue for a frank talk.

He has told you that he has had more than one same-sex relationship, so it’s fair to consider him to be bisexual.

That he didn’t use that word doesn’t mean he was dishonest. We communicate with our actions as well as verbally. That you have continued your relationship after learning about his sexual history should indicate to him that you don’t think less of him.

As to the strength of his libido, no two individuals are alike. If he is able to provide you with what you need, I don’t think you need to be concerned. If not — as I said before, you have to talk with him about it.

DEAR ABBY: How do you get a man to help you financially? — ANONY-MISS IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR ANONY-MISS: Tell him you need his help and hope he’s the type who likes rescuing women.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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