Dear Abby: The man I love has a secret girlfriend, baby

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing “Russell” for about a year. Last March he told me he had to move in with his grandmother because “he was the only bachelor in the family who could take care of her.” Stupidly, I believed him.

Not long after that, I found out he had a pregnant girlfriend. I didn’t let on that I knew, and we didn’t see each other for about three months because he was “busy getting promoted at work.”

Now I have started seeing him again, and I just can’t seem to let it go. The problem is I still haven’t told Russell I know about the girlfriend and the baby. I’m not sure how to go about letting him know I know what’s going on.

I can’t bear the thought of him walking away from me again. How should I confront him? I’m in love, confused and heartbroken at the same time. — FOOL IN LOVE IN MIAMI

DEAR F.I.L.: Try this — a full-frontal assault of plain honesty. Tell him you know he slept with another woman and got her pregnant, and that story he told you about his grandmother was pure guano. Tell him you know he has stayed away because he preferred to be with someone else.

Say that although you love him, you realize that as far as he’s concerned, you’re going cold turkey. THEN DO IT. And if you haven’t already, see your OB/GYN and ask to be checked for STDs now that you know the “man” you’re in love with can’t be trusted.

There’s an adage I’ll share because it applies to you: The truth will set you free.

DEAR ABBY: If your office or family has a $20 limit on gift exchanges, and you find a $20 gift on sale for $10, is that considered a $20 gift or a $10 one? — PINCHING PENNIES IN OHIO

DEAR PINCHING: Prices are so fluid during some of the holidays that no one really knows the true “value” of what’s being purchased anymore.

If there is a $20 limit on what you’re supposed to spend, it means you shouldn’t spend any MORE than $20 — and not much less than $20. If you find something marked $20 and can get it for less, you are a wise shopper — not a piker.

P.S. You can also just buy a $20 gift card and avoid the uncertainty.

DEAR ABBY: If a single woman is having relations with a married man, then she is known as his mistress. But what do you call a single man who is having relations with a married woman? Would he be a “mister,” or what? — CURIOUS IN MACON, GA.

DEAR CURIOUS: He could be referred to as her lover or paramour. According to the Urban Dictionary, he could also be called a “manstress.” (If there is financial support involved, then he’s a gigolo and she’s a “sugar mama.”)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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