Dear Abby: We married quickly, and now I’m scared

SHARE Dear Abby: We married quickly, and now I’m scared

DEAR ABBY: Within the last year, I met an amazing man who is head over heels for me. We were married five months later, partly because he was deploying. I had always dated “bad” boys with commitment issues, but now I have a wonderful husband.

Everything happened so fast. I’m now having to put the career I worked very hard for on hold.

I love him very much, don’t get me wrong, but all the drastic changes have me feeling confused and scared. I feel we may have rushed into marriage too soon. Regardless, this is where we are now. Any insight? — NEWLYWED IN UTAH

DEAR NEWLYWED: To be honest, MOST people feel a degree of fear and confusion when they find themselves in unfamiliar territory. On the plus side, you have married a winner after dating a series of turkeys.

Because your husband is deployed, you now have a chance to start evaluating various ways to apply your talents and experience with an eye toward restarting your career or finding a new one.

If your husband intends to make a career of the military, research jobs you can do regardless of where he may be posted.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has ongoing relationships with two of his exes’ daughters. One girl’s mother is deceased, and he has been divorced from the other for more than 20 years.

He allows them to call him “Dad” even though they are adults and he has been married three times over. I don’t understand why he has allowed this to go on, but he blows me off when I bring it up.

Am I being petty for having concerns, or should I just let them be? — CONCERNED SPOUSE

DEAR CONCERNED: Yes, you are being petty. Your husband may have been the most stable and loving parental male figure in those women’s lives, which is why they still call him “Dad.”

Their relationship should not diminish the one he has with you, unless you make them feel unwelcome because of your own insecurity. So put on a smile, set out the welcome mat and befriend them, and I predict you will reap big dividends.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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