Dear Abby: Husband resents my friend, a gay man

SHARE Dear Abby: Husband resents my friend, a gay man

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband, “Mark,” for 20 years. My best friend, “Eric,” is a gay man. For some reason, Mark is threatened by my friendship with Eric.

Whenever Eric calls or texts, my husband becomes resentful. It has reached the point that I feel like I need to hide phone calls and texts, and sneak around in order to talk to my friend. I have always been faithful, honest and open with Mark about everything, and I am very uncomfortable having to hide my friendship with Eric from him.

Mark does not feel this way about any of my female friends. He’s fully aware of Eric’s sexual orientation, so he knows Eric poses no threat to our marriage. I don’t understand where the jealousy and resentment are coming from. I don’t want to hurt my marriage. — BOTH WIFE AND FRIEND

DEAR B.W.A.F.: Either your husband is jealous of the TIME you spend communicating with Eric — time that Mark feels would be better spent with him — or he may not understand the dynamics of a friendship between some gay men and straight women. Sometimes there is a degree of physicality — hugs and kisses —that your husband may mistake for physical attraction.

As to your husband not understanding that Eric poses no threat to your marriage, I’m not sure your assumption is correct. Sneaked phone calls and hidden texts ARE a threat to your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I disagree about a gift registry. We recently completed ours. She thinks only those who are invited to the bridal shower and the wedding should get the registry list.

I’d like to post the link to the list on my Facebook page and announce we’re being married in September in case friends and family who can’t come or aren’t invited want to give a gift. I wouldn’t ASK them to buy anything, but I’d announce that the registry is up and live. What do you think? — SHARING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SHARING: I think your fiancee is 100 percent right. To post the kind of announcement you are contemplating on your Facebook page would be in the worst possible taste. If you do it, it WILL look like you’re soliciting gifts, and it will be an embarrassment for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt, who is the nicest person and has strong moral values, has a sweet pet I have grown fond of. The animal is sick with cancer and has many tumors, but my aunt will not euthanize her.

In the past, her pets would pass away naturally at the point at which they should have been put to sleep because of their suffering. How can the family convince her to do the right thing? — SENSITIVE NEPHEW IN PHOENIX

DEAR NEPHEW: This isn’t a decision the family should make “for” someone. When a beloved pet is terminal and no longer capable of running, playing and enjoying life, this is a subject that should be broached by the family member’s veterinarian.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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