Dear Abby: Husband keeps secrets with a younger woman

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DEAR ABBY: My husband met a gal 33 years younger than he is at a doctor’s office. It seems they “became close,” so they went off and bought real estate together in another state. They spend weeks at a time together there alone.

When they are both here in town, they have “business” meetings several times a week. I am not allowed to attend, know when they take place or even ask what was discussed.

They never have phone conversations while I’m near, and their texts to each other are “none of my business.” My husband’s words: “I don’t know why you’re so mad; you’re just jealous.” Your thoughts, please? — PEEVED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PEEVED: You live in a community property state. Half of your husband’s share of whatever property he and this woman bought together belongs to you.

My first thought is your husband is having a fling and lying about not knowing why you are angry. He’s right that you are jealous. You have every right to be.

My second thought is that you should consult an attorney ASAP. I don’t know how much you know about your husband’s finances, but a forensic accountant can help you unearth any assets he may be hiding or has already buried. After that, it will be up to you to decide whether you want to continue in a marriage with someone who would treat you so shabbily.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I treated our 24-year-old granddaughter to dinner and a historical city tour. When we stopped by to pick her up, she came out of the house wearing a skin-tight top that laced up the front, with a 3-inch gap from top to bottom and no bra.

My first reaction was to ask her to change, thinking it was highly inappropriate. Her grandfather thought we should just let it go, so we went out for the evening. Nothing was mentioned regarding her attire, but I was extremely uncomfortable.

What is your opinion? — BUTTONED UP IN INDIANA

DEAR BUTTONED UP: Your granddaughter is an adult. For you to have asked her to change clothes would have been awkward for everyone concerned.

While her choice of outfit may have been revealing, if there was any embarrassment, it should not have been yours.

If you prefer she dress more modestly when she’s with you, the next time you invite her to go someplace, say so.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer a tip for those men about to pop the “big question” to their girlfriends: Let your fiancee pick out the ring style she will be wearing for the rest of her life.

Arrange with a jeweler to have a tray of rings in different styles in your price range. Then present a ring with the proposal with the understanding it can be exchanged. — WISE SOUTHERNER

DEAR SOUTHERNER: This is a subject that has been addressed in my column several times. A practical way to handle it is for the man to talk to the jeweler about what he can afford to spend beforehand, so the stones will be available to display to his fiancee, as well as a variety of settings from which she can choose.

And, if none are to her liking, she might prefer the option of designing her own setting. Many brides do.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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