Dear Abby: It makes me uneasy my husband helps out his ex

SHARE Dear Abby: It makes me uneasy my husband helps out his ex

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 18 years. This is the second marriage for both of us.

His ex-wife has asked him to fill in as caretaker for her father while she goes to an appointment. He sees nothing wrong with this, but it makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t think this should be our responsibility. His ex-father-in-law has three other grown children.

I don’t know how to handle this without coming off as the bad guy. Help, please. Or am I the one who needs counseling? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN GULFPORT

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I wish you had mentioned how friendly your husband’s divorce was, and how much contact he has continued to maintain with his ex’s family. While I agree that caring for his former father-in-law should be his children’s responsibility, I would have to know more about this than you have written because there may be extenuating circumstances.

That your husband would be willing to do this — occasionally — speaks well about his level of compassion and character. But if this is ongoing, I can see why you would be uncomfortable about it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a vegetarian since I was 6 for ethical reasons, and I would like to raise my unborn daughter to be one, too.

The problem is my parents and five sisters don’t agree. They say that I will be depriving her and that I should let her make her own choices.

They also said they will do as they please, even after I explained I would always have her food prepared in advance.

Am I already a bad mom for saying no to meat? — ETHICAL REASONS IN SPOKANE

DEAR ETHICAL REASONS: According to the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine: “Children raised on fruits, vegetables, whole grains and legumes grow up to be slimmer and healthier and even live longer than their meat-eating friends.”

However, not all doctors feel this way and advise that around 8 or 9 months, complete proteins be introduced into a baby’s diet to ensure the child gets enough iron. This is why this very important subject should be discussed with your child’s pediatrician to help you decide what is best for her.

DEAR ABBY: My boss and his wife have been my friends for 25 years. I invited them to my daughter’s wedding.

His daughter is being married in three weeks and I have not yet received an invitation. I’m wondering why. Any thoughts? — WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: There could be any number of reasons why you weren’t invited. Their daughter and her fiance may prefer that the money her parents would have spent on a large wedding be given to them instead so they can save for a down payment on a house or condo; it will be a small, intimate affair with family only; they are paying for the wedding themselves and don’t have the money to invite all of their parents’ friends.

My advice is to wait and see how this plays out, because eventually, I am sure you will have your answer.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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