DEAR ABBY: I’m writing because I see a lot of bullying going on at school. One of the bullies is a friend of mine and I’ve asked her to stop, but she doesn’t listen.
How I can get through to her so she understands that she’s hurting someone’s feelings? She treats people like they don’t have feelings, like they are non-human. — NOT A BULLY IN INDIANA
DEAR NOT A BULLY: People bully others for a variety of reasons. Among them, because they are angry and enjoy taking it out on others, because they themselves have been bullied, because it gives them a sense of power, or simply because they enjoy it.
Not knowing your “friend,” I can’t guess what’s driving her behavior. I suggest that you ask her what her reason is and, after you hear her answer, you re-evaluate whether to distance yourself from her because, with bullies, the target can change and no one is safe.
DEAR ABBY: We set limits on our son’s screen time at home. My mother-in-law lets him have quite a bit more screen time when he visits her.
My husband thinks grandparents should have the right to determine everything about how they treat and care for their grandchildren. What do you think? — MOTHER IN BOULDER, COLO.
DEAR MOTHER: I think grandparents should respect the rules that parents set for their children because there are usually good reasons for them.
I also think that for your in-laws to ignore your wishes as they have been doing is disrespectful, and your husband should consider that before concluding that his parents have the right to ignore them.
DEAR ABBY: A couple of months ago my husband and I received a very nice “save the date” for a wedding in August in a town nearby. There were many nice photos of the engaged couple on the card. The problem is, we have no idea who they are.
We called our families to ask if they had received one too, thinking maybe it was a long-lost relative. I even went so far as checking social media, thinking we might have friends in common, but we don’t. I’m hoping the actual invitation may offer more clues, but I don’t think it will.
While this was clearly addressed to us, my fear is that it was intended for someone else who may not be “saving the date” and it may cause some tension within their family.
What would be proper when the invitation arrives? Do I check “will not attend” and send it back, or should I include a note with an explanation? — SAVE THE DATE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR SAVE THE DATE: You are a nice person. A simple “regret that we cannot attend” should be sufficient, and by all means include the note.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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