Dear Abby: Guest unamused by wedding invitation’s biting humor

DEAR ABBY: We received a wedding invitation in the mail today from my husband’s nephew. First of all, we are to RSVP by tomorrow. (WHAT?)

Here are our options in responding:

Gladly attend

Regretfully decline

Resentfully attend

Enthusiastically decline

I’ll surprise you

The invitation also asked which song we’d like “blasted over our awkward small talk.”

Granted, there is some animosity among the groom’s father’s siblings, but I think this is rude, sarcastic and inappropriate. I have a sense of humor but do not find this funny. Am I off the mark? — INSULTED GUEST IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR GUEST: Obviously, you and your husband would have preferred a more formal — and possibly more timely — invitation. Considering the sorry state of family relations on the groom’s side, the wording may have been an attempt at humor. It may also have been sincere. If you cannot GLADLY attend, rather than fume, send your regrets.

DEAR ABBY: We don’t care much for the wife of one of our new neighbors. The husband is nice, but his wife is overbearing. On the occasions we get together, she interrupts conversations or takes over the conversation. Occasionally, we see each other around the neighborhood, and it’s always a friendly meeting since we can walk away from them.

Once in a while one neighbor will have a few of the others over for a party, but no one wants to invite the new couple because of her. What do we say if either one asks why they aren’t invited to some of the parties we have? We live close enough to each other that they might see us entertaining without them.

Please don’t suggest we invite them and suck it up since we tried that and the evening was not fun for anyone. — STRUGGLING FOR AN ANSWER

DEAR STRUGGLING: Don’t worry, I won’t. No one should ask a question like that unless prepared for the answer. If one of them is so bold as to ask why they weren’t included, I think you should tell the person the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a boy in sixth grade. Recently, my best friend has been hitting me. I try to get her to stop. I’ve done everything I can think of, but she keeps doing it.

Today in math class, she pinched me or something — I can’t remember — so I did it back. Afterward she beat on me with a ruler. I could really use some of your advice. — TIRED OF IT

DEAR TIRED OF IT: The person you call your best friend isn’t acting like one. She may do it to get attention because she has a crush on you, or because she’s a bully.

Tell her to stop touching you because you don’t like it, but do NOT retaliate by hitting her back. If she persists, tell your teacher what she has been doing because it’s creating a distraction when you need to be concentrating in class.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)