Today’s mailbox is full of letters about seizing the moment, making excuses, and celebrating living together . . .
MAX: I went to the wedding of a close friend and had a fantastic time! The ceremony was both life-affirming and love-affirming. After several years of working hard toward a new career and achieving my goal, I realized it was time for me to get back into the dating world.
After the reception, I met a couple of women at a nearby lounge. We talked quite a bit and enjoyed a great Beatles tribute band. While driving them to their car later on, I learned that Carrie, the lady I was interested in, had recently gone through her second divorce. She said she was tired of getting her heart broken and was taking a break from relationships.
Because I didn’t want to come off as some pushy, unthinking jerk, I didn’t ask for her phone number and we parted ways. 15 minutes later, when I was back in my hotel room, I re-thought the situation. I should have given her my phone number or e-mail and told her, “If and when you’re ready to date again, let me know and maybe we can get together.”
To use a sports phrase, I choked. No excuses, I’ve just been out of practice for too long. I’ve made up my mind to keep an open mind, eye and ear toward possible opportunities. And to never choke again.
JON: In my opinion, sexual addiction is just an escape clause to save a marriage and reputation. I know because I used it to excuse my behavior. I wasn’t addicted to sex. I was just a lousy husband who slept with whoever would sleep with me. I never thought about the hurt I was causing my wife or the harm I was doing to my family.
When I learned to value my family and wife over my own selfishness, I took control over my life. I stopped everything cold turkey and have been happily married ever since.
Guys don’t need counseling for sex addiction. They need to grow some testicles and man up.
DARREN: I’d like to say something in favor or living together. Say I had given a girl a year or two of serious dating. We shared weekends and holidays, vacationed together, etc. If she declined to move in with me and had nothing meaningful to say about why, I might feel like I was wasting my time on a girl who wanted the attention and the chase more than she wanted a life with me.
Anyone who looks around will see some married couples who lack commitment and some unmarried couples who are 100% devoted. Matrimony is not a great indicator of a relationship’s longevity, success, or overall health. Some weddings are a lot like a prom with more expensive drinks spilling on more expensive clothes.
I would much rather celebrate an unmarried couple’s 10th anniversary than a new couple’s wedding day.
Is there such a thing as sexual addiction? Send your thoughts, along with your questions, problems and rants to email@example.com.
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