Dear Abby: Siblings skip out on RSVPs and even the weddings

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DEAR ABBY: I belong to a family that doesn’t respond to RSVPs for weddings or wedding showers. They often arrive late, leave weddings early and sometimes don’t stay to eat at the reception even when it has been catered at a cost of $100 a person.

My adult children always ask me to call my siblings to check whether they are coming or not so some of their friends can be included if the family isn’t coming. I just spoke with my brother about an upcoming wedding, and he informed me that he and his family “may” decide to extend their camping trip and miss it, even though they had RSVP’d with their meal selections.

My wife was raised to observe the rules of etiquette, something she has passed on to our four children, but my family never received that kind of instruction. I love my siblings and their families, and feel privileged whenever we get together to celebrate a wedding or special event. How can I improve the situation without hurting feelings and creating turmoil? — FAMILY PEACEMAKER

DEAR PEACEMAKER: I’ll resist the urge to suggest you buy your relatives a book on etiquette.

Start by explaining the rules to your siblings in a non-confrontational way. For instance, after you send an invitation, call and verify that the recipients plan to attend. If the answer is “maybe,” tell them the meals cost $100 a plate, which is why it’s important to have an accurate head count.

Because they don’t know any better, I suppose it’s your responsibility to explain the rules of common courtesy to your family each time you invite them to join you for anything.

When your brother told you he and his family might extend their camping trip, I hope you responded that you would be taking them off the guest list and hope they’ll have a great time.

DEAR ABBY: I’m almost 20, in my second year of college, and I have never been in a relationship. Usually I shrug it off, but lately it has been really bothering me. I know I’m not alone because a lot of my friends are in a similar situation.

I’m just afraid that I’ll end up alone, or if I do ever find someone, I won’t know how to act. Please help. — FRUSTRATED IN CLOVIS, CALIF.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I’ll try, so bear with me.

Please quit flogging yourself. You’re in college and on a path to success. To obsess about ending up alone is a distraction and a waste of time.

Stop being afraid of what “might” happen. Enjoy your college experience. Meet as many people as you can and make friends. The more friends you have, the greater your chances of finding what you’re looking for.

As to not knowing how to act when you finally meet someone special, I guarantee that you will know how to act because you WON’T BE ACTING. You will just be yourself, and that will be all you need.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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