Dear Abby: Surprise! Daughter’s coach used to date my husband

SHARE Dear Abby: Surprise! Daughter’s coach used to date my husband
dear_abby_12880069_e1420416724734_655.jpg

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Bill,” and I have been happily married for 22 years and have two very active, beautiful children. Our oldest daughter has been playing on a traveling soccer team for the last five years. Bill and I go all over the country to watch her play and have become very close to the head coach, “Marla,” and her family.

I recently learned through another parent that Bill dated Marla for three years prior to us getting married. This parent informed me the relationship between Bill and Marla was so serious they had discussed marriage.

When I heard it, I was very upset. I couldn’t understand why my husband would keep that information from me all this time. When I asked him, he said it was true, but he hadn’t felt it had been necessary to tell me.

Bill hasn’t always been the greatest communicator, but I think this has crossed the line. I feel I have been misled and lied to. He acted as if he had never even met her. It makes me wonder how many other secrets he’s hiding from me.

I’m having a hard time trusting him now, and I feel there’s something seriously wrong with our relationship. I’m also uncomfortable around Marla and her family. I wonder if her husband knows about their relationship. Do I have the right to be upset about this situation? — KEPT IN THE DARK

More Dear Abby:

What do I say to my friend whose son committed a horrific crime?

My husband vows to leave me if I get into debt … and I have

I don’t want sex, but my boyfriend says, “Get over it”

DEAR KEPT: You have the right to be upset — and angry — about the deception. If you want to know if Marla’s husband knows what went on between her and your husband, ask her. Perhaps she can fill you in on what else your husband “forgot” to mention.

Bill appears to have a large character flaw, and the two of you appear to have a serious communication problem. Before this damages your marriage further, you and Bill should schedule some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he stonewalls or refuses to go with you, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt and uncle from another state still send me a birthday check every year for my birthday, which is generous and thoughtful of them. While the sum is not large, I feel it is not necessary, and it makes me uncomfortable. I’m in my late 20s now and have a good job with a good income.

How do I politely tell them that while I appreciate their kindness, it is not necessary to send their adult niece a check every year? I’m not particularly close with them and am afraid of offending. — UNCOMFORTABLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: From your description of your aunt and uncle, they are thoughtful, caring people, so when you talk to them, express your gratitude for their generosity. Then suggest that because you are now an adult, with a good job and a good income, you think it might be time to consider exchanging only greeting cards on special occasions.

Of course, this means you will be sending them cards for their birthdays, anniversary and Christmas, if you don’t already do it.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

The Latest
The man suffered head trauma and was pronounced dead at University of Chicago Medical Center, police said.
Another federal judge in Chicago who also has dismissed gun cases based on the same Supreme Court ruling says the high court’s decision in what’s known as the Bruen case will “inevitably lead to more gun violence, more dead citizens and more devastated communities.”
Women make up just 10% of those in careers such as green infrastructure and clean and renewable energy, a leader from Openlands writes. Apprenticeships and other training opportunities are some of the ways to get more women into this growing job sector.
Chatterbox doesn’t seem aware that it’s courteous to ask questions, seek others’ opinions.
The way inflation is measured masks certain costs that add to the prices that consumers pay every day. Not surprisingly, higher costs mean lower consumer confidence, no matter what Americans are told about an improving economy.