Dear Abby: I finally met my biological father, then he disappeared
Four years ago, the man welcomed his pregnant teenage daughter into his home. After she moved out, he cut off communication, breaking her heart.
DEAR ABBY: I grew up not knowing who my biological father was. When I met him for the first time, I was 18. When we met, I felt I had found a piece of who I was. I loved him immediately, as if I had known him my whole life.
We talked and hung out for the next four months until I moved in with him to escape an abusive relationship. I was pregnant at the time and spent half my pregnancy living with him and my stepmother, half-brother and stepbrother. I moved back in with my mom a few months later.
Since then, my father has cut me off. I have been trying so hard to get him to talk to me. He hasn’t met my son yet, rarely responds to my texts and never answers my calls. I have invited him to every birthday party, sent him cards for every holiday, begged him to see me and my son. It’s been four years now, and I’m heartbroken.
I miss him so much. I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out. My grandmother told me that because my older half-sister left with her kids without saying goodbye to him, it broke his heart, and he is afraid I will do the same. What should I do? — MISSING MY DAD IN NEW YORK
DEAR MISSING: Not knowing your father, it’s hard to guess his reason for distancing himself from you and his grandchild. It does appear that he is punishing you for something. Could he have been hurt or angry that you chose to live with your mother rather than stay with him and your stepmother?
Because it has been four years, you may have to accept that this estrangement will be permanent and find a way to cope with the loss. If you have a religious adviser, start there.
DEAR ABBY: My roommate loves watching documentaries about serial killers, psychopaths and other criminals. I don’t like them. To me it feels like a glorification of a person who did evil.
On the flip side, I watch tons of spy movies, superhero movies and action films that depict violence. But the distinction lies in that what I watch is fiction. Usually the good guys win, and if they don’t, it’s temporary.
My roommate gets really mad when I watch or even talk about the movies I watch, but becomes really defensive when I compare them to what she watches. My roommate is very fragile emotionally and cries, withdraws and shuts down when I do this. The last time, she insinuated I was less of a person for liking these things. Ultimately, I felt sorry for bringing it up, and she still refuses to acknowledge that we are allowed to like different things without being bad people.
I need to know how to bring up that how she responds to the things I like hurts me, and communicate that I have nothing against what she watches, even if it’s not my taste. How can I communicate my feelings without feeling like I’m being insensitive for asking her to stop berating me? — JUST A MOVIE IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR JUST A MOVIE: The most diplomatic solution would be for the two of you to agree that certain subjects of conversation should be avoided — this being one of them. And if you can’t agree to respect each other’s viewing habits without being judgmental, you should find other roommates as soon as your lease is up.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)