Dear Abby: His female pal keeps texting, calling and visiting my boyfriend
Reader feels her relationship is being disrespected by this woman, who has a husband and kids of her own.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. He has several female friends I have met and like very much. However, one of them texts him every day, even while we are together. She also sends Facebook messages and sometimes calls him at work. Sometimes she “drops in” at his home.
Abby, this woman is married with a family of her own, but she seems to be obsessed with my boyfriend. I have expressed my concern about her behavior and told my boyfriend that while I trust him completely, I feel she is overly emotionally attached to him, and what she’s doing is disrespectful to our relationship as well as the one she has with her husband and family. He just continues to repeat that there is nothing going on.
How can I make him understand that they can still be friends, but he needs to set some boundaries? — FED UP IN NEW YORK
DEAR FED UP: Your boyfriend is allowed to be friends with anyone he wishes. However, because you think the attention he’s receiving from this woman infringes on your time with him, you should say that to him. If you do, perhaps he may tell her to tone it down.
DEAR ABBY: I volunteer at a county no-kill animal shelter. I love doing the work and helping people find a pet that’s right for them, if I can.
Every week, people come in looking for a lost pet. “What did he look like?” “How old was she?” And then the burning question, “Was your pet microchipped?” Often — too often — the answer is “No.”
Please remind your readers that if they care about Buddy or Fluffy and love them and consider them family, to PLEASE have them microchipped. Any veterinarian’s office can do it. A county shelter can do it, too. It’s not expensive. It will give people a much better chance of having their friend returned, even if they are far away. — ANIMAL LOVER IN UTAH
DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: I’m glad you wrote. I hope my animal-guardian readers will heed your advice. Furry family members are sometimes stolen, and they often like to roam when they see an opportunity. If pets are microchipped, it increases the odds of them being recovered.
DEAR ABBY: Can you please explain the guidelines for reciprocating invitations? We have invited the “Smiths” to our home three times. Each time they said they were busy and would be for several weeks, so we stopped extending invitations. Then they had us over, and we had a really good time.
This week I tried to reciprocate and, again, they are busy. Should I keep trying? Or is this a signal that the Smiths don’t want to come to us for whatever reason? — GOOD TIMES IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GOOD TIMES: No rule of etiquette requires you to continue trying to coax this couple to your home. After three refusals, it’s reasonable to conclude that — for whatever reason — they prefer to do the entertaining. While some might regard their refusals as a snub, I don’t think you should because they did reach out and invite you over. Because you feel obligated, try inviting them out to dinner, and see if that brings better results.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)