Dear Abby: Man tells ailing wife he’ll leave her, not help her

She’s devastated when he says he’ll put her in a nursing home once the chemo meds make her sick.

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DEAR ABBY: I need some advice for my dear friend. She needs to have chemotherapy and her husband says he won’t help her when she gets sicker from the meds. She is devastated and feels like he isn’t even her husband anymore. He told her he will move out and put her into a nursing home and that they can break up. Any advice? — DEVASTATED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am appalled. That someone could be so heartless and cruel is deplorable. Your friend’s husband appears to be one of those who becomes so freaked out by his spouse’s cancer diagnosis that he cuts and runs instead of standing by her when the going gets tough. (Yes, regrettably, there are some.)

Her top priority right now has to be getting through this challenge, regardless of what it involves. Are there supportive friends or family members who are willing to see her through the term of her treatment? If so, that’s what I recommend.

When she recovers — because with the advances that are being made in cancer treatment every day, it is entirely possible — I hope she realizes how lucky she is to be rid of this poor excuse for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and live alone, which I enjoy. I’m a homebody — I work and come home.

I dated a woman many years ago and we have reunited. I’m very much in love with her. She has family not far from here, and if I marry her, I know I’m going to be inundated with visits from them on a regular basis. Problem is, I love my privacy. I’m getting cold feet because of this. I have lived the way I do for a long time and I’m happy with it. — COLD FEET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COLD FEET: Have you talked to this lady about your concerns? If you haven’t, it’s time, because it’s entirely possible that she loves her family as much as you love your privacy and won’t want to be isolated from them. In a situation like yours, if there is no compelling reason to tie the knot, perhaps you should agree to leave the arrangement the way it is.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a neighborhood with nosy neighbors who like to gossip. My wife and I are private people and keep our business to ourselves. There is one person, a man who recently moved here, whom I consider to be my only good friend.

The other day my friend showed me a text he had received from another one of my neighbors — a doctor — asking him if I had a certain medical condition. My friend responded by saying that the topic had not been discussed.

I find the inquiry to be inappropriate. It’s really none of his business. I also believe my neighbor the doctor showed a lack of character and poor judgment. I value your input. Are my feelings out of line? — TICKED OFF IN TAMPA

DEAR TICKED OFF: Your feelings are not out of line. If the doctor is truly concerned about your well-being and not neighborhood gossip, he should have asked you that question directly.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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