Dear Abby: Last year, friend said no to dating me. Should I ask again?

SHARE Dear Abby: Last year, friend said no to dating me. Should I ask again?

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I confessed to one of my close guy friends that I liked him. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I haven’t brought it up since. I have now found out his roommate is interested in me. I politely declined his advances, but I can’t help but wonder if the guy I like turned me down because he knew his roommate liked me.

Even though it’s been over a year since I confessed my feelings, there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about him. I have a gut feeling that he’s where I’m supposed to be, but I don’t want to make another advance if he doesn’t want to be anything more than friends. I’m afraid of ruining our friendship.

We hang out in groups all the time and have deep conversations, just the two of us, but we’ve never hung out alone, and he doesn’t initiate text messages or phone calls. Still, the connection we have when we’re together is undeniable and can’t be ignored.

Should I tell him I still like him and risk being embarrassed again? Or should I stay quiet and live a life thinking “what if?” — MS. DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE

DEAR MS. DANGEROUSLY: Because you are dissatisfied with the way things are and thinking about a romantic relationship with this person every day, it’s time to get a definite answer from him. Tell him you care about him and ask one more time. But if his answer is still no, then accept that it isn’t meant to be and move on.

DEAR ABBY: How many times must one save the date for a destination “wedding”? Three and a half years ago my husband was asked to be a groomsman in a destination wedding. We agreed and saved the date, paid for travel and accommodations (none refundable). The wedding was canceled because the bride was expecting.

We endured the same process again, only for her to be eight months pregnant for that date. It was canceled again. We were then asked to take off work to drive to a private ceremony on a week’s notice, only for that ceremony to be canceled. After that, the couple subsequently married privately.

We have just received another save the date! Are we obligated to go? My husband believes he is, because he had told them he would be a groomsman nearly four years ago. I say, because they are already married (and we are already out $1,000), we should be off the hook.

Is there a way to convince my husband of that? — NEVER A BRIDESMAID

DEAR NEVER: Probably not. However, your reasoning seems sound to me, and your husband is no more “on the hook” than he wants to be. Why he would still feel obligated to go through with this charade is beyond me.

Be glad you are married to someone as patient, loyal and responsible as your husband is — all the things his friend is not.

DEAR READERS: This is my annual reminder to those of you who live where daylight saving time is observed: Don’t forget to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight at bedtime. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. For me, it signals the coming of spring with longer, brighter days and warmer weather — everything I love!

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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