Dear Abby: Migraine sufferer’s job-hopping causes his wife headaches, too

DEAR ABBY: My husband suffers from migraines and has never been happy in any job he’s had. He has tried every available treatment for his migraines, to no avail. He still has them daily. I think they may be partly psychological.

In the 10 years we’ve been married, he has had six different jobs. The longest one lasted three years but ended miserably. He went on sick leave because of his manager and eventually quit on bad terms.

As soon as he doesn’t like a person above him or a situation, his migraines get worse and he quits. He’s now talking about leaving the job he got two months ago. He sees two different therapists to deal with these and other issues.

Where do I draw the line between being a supportive wife and just wanting a stable life for our family? We have two young kids. I earn a good income and have always had stable jobs (more than five years per company). I started a new job six months ago that is very stressful, and this has been tough on me. Please give me some advice. — MISERABLE IN MONTREAL

DEAR MISERABLE: Because the stress of your marriage is now affecting you, it’s time to make an appointment with a therapist for yourself. Whether your husband’s migraines are real, psychosomatic or an excuse to run from an uncomfortable situation, I can’t guess. You need an expert who is closer to home to help you figure this out. Please don’t wait. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who spends summers up north with my son and winters with my daughter down south. My problem is, a friend of my daughter is extremely rude and insulting to me.

“Valerie” arrives at my daughter’s without being invited, walks in and either makes a disparaging remark to me (“You still here?”) or walks right past me with her nose in the air. My daughter says nothing.

I have always tried to be pleasant to Valerie, but I’m tired of her rude behavior. I have excellent rapport with all of my daughter’s other friends. Please advise as to how I should handle this. — UNWELCOMED IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNWELCOMED: I agree, Valerie’s behavior is disrespectful and hostile. Express this to your (silent) daughter and ask how she feels about the way her friend behaves with you, and why she’s allowed to drop in with no notice. Her answer may be enlightening.

The next time the “friend” pops in and asks if you’re “still here,” speak up and tell her the length of your visit is none of her business and asking about it strikes you as rude. If you do, it may clear the air.

DEAR READERS: I wish a very Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere — birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give each and every day. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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