DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 10 years and I recently broke up over some photos he has displayed on his mantel. At one time, he had an 8-by-10 photo of me, which suddenly disappeared. He swore he had no idea what happened to it.
He now has four photos (two are 8-by-10) of a woman he calls his “co-worker.” She ushers with him at church on Sundays, and I know she has no interest in him.
I’m not a jealous person, but those photos have caused me hurt and embarrassment when others asked who the “babe” in the pictures is. He knew my feelings about them, but didn’t take them down. He has two smaller pictures of the two of us, but you can’t miss the two 8-by-10s when you enter the room.
Was I wrong in asking him to remove them? I still care for him, but my feelings don’t seem to matter to him. — PERPLEXED AND HURTING IN FLORIDA
DEAR PERPLEXED: You weren’t wrong to tell your ex how you felt about the photos. And you are right that your feelings on the subject weren’t important to him. It appears he became fixated on the church lady, which is why you were smart to break off the relationship.
DEAR ABBY: I have a guy friend who goes from girl to girl constantly. People talk about what a player he is and say he doesn’t really like the women he’s dating. He has been called desperate — among other things. None of this ever gets to him. Even though we are just close friends, he has even asked me out.
I think he’s doing things all wrong, and I want to tell him so, but I know it’s his life, and he’s going to tell me that. I want people to stop talking behind his back. He annoys me so much when it comes to his dating life that I sometimes want to scream at his face. Do you have advice for me? — GOOD (GIRL) FRIEND IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR FRIEND: Yes, I do. You have a right to express your opinions to your friend. That said, try to be less judgmental. Remain his friend but focus less on his dating life so much because it is not your business. You are making a mistake if you allow it to become an obsession.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter says that if I send a wedding gift of money to the bride and groom even though we weren’t invited, it would make the bride feel guilty for not including me/us.
My daughter and the bride have been friends and sports teammates for 25 years. We watched her grow up into a fine person. She had a small, backyard wedding, and we completely understood and agreed with her decision to not invite us. What is the proper etiquette on this topic? — DON’T KNOW IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR DON’T KNOW: The rule of etiquette is that if you accept a wedding invitation, you should give the couple a gift. However, if you do not attend and still would like to send something, it’s not only NOT a breach of etiquette, it is a generous and loving gesture. By all means send the check along with a sweet note expressing the sentiments you shared with me. I assure you, the bride will be touched by your thoughtfulness.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)