DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 30 years. He is my high school sweetheart and my best friend. We enjoy each other, and I thought we had a great relationship. Occasionally, we “spice up” our sex life to keep things interesting. At his request, I have sexted him a few times with the understanding that he delete the photos once he has viewed them.
Well, the other night around 3 a.m., I heard his phone dinging over and over again. He was asleep so, thinking it was our daughter trying to reach us, I looked at it. To my horror, he had put pictures of me on a porn site through an app. There were pictures of me in various, unaware stages of nudity — like in the shower or sleeping in bed — and people were commenting lewd and disgusting things.
Needless to say, I feel beyond betrayed. My trust in him is broken, and I’m devastated at his behavior. His response is he is sorry and made a mistake. I don’t know what to do. I’m considering leaving him. He’s remorseful, but I don’t understand why he would do this. Help, please. — PHOTO FINISH IN OHIO
DEAR PHOTO FINISH: You have my sympathy. A good husband would never do what yours did. It was not only a gross invasion of your privacy and an act of deception, but embarrassing and potentially dangerous if someone views the images and recognizes you. What his motives were, I can’t guess.
Everything you’re feeling is valid. If your marriage is to survive, the trust must somehow be restored. If you plan to stay married to him, a marriage and family therapist may be able to give you more insight. It would be worth your while for the two of you to talk to someone who is licensed, and soon.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I had a horrible loss this year, and we’re having trouble dealing with and working through our grief. His ex-wife murdered three of his four children and committed suicide.
We are both young and have been trying to find organizations where we can communicate with other parents who have lost their children, but a lot of group members just seem to want to one-up how tragic their loss was. Do you have any suggestions for online or in-person groups for people with similar experiences? It’s hard feeling so alone, and I’m sure there are other parents out there looking for this kind of information. — ALONE AND GRIEVING
DEAR ALONE: I am sorry for the epic tragedy your fiance experienced, and with which you are both trying to cope. An organization that may be able to help you is The National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children (POMC). Founded in 1978, its mission is to provide support and guidance to all survivors of homicide victims, while working to create a world free of murder. It seeks to make a difference through ongoing emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy and awareness. To learn more, visit its website, which is pomc.org, or call (888) 818-7662 or (513) 721-5683.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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