ESPN without sports is like NASA without space. But ESPN is smarter than NASA — it can still thrive even if its world explodes into the atmosphere. Here is a look at the new ESPN 24-hour coronavirus programming schedule:
8 a.m.: “Don’t Get Up!”
10:00: “Stephen A. Smith: Unfettered.” The real Stephen A. lets loose — unvarnished, unbridled and uninhibited — at a Brooklyn barbershop.
11:00: “Greatest NFL Coaches’ Challenges (Season 1).”
11:30: Stephen A. Smith talks smack to first responders on their coffee break.
12 p.m.: Chris Berman runs down his all-time 250 favorite nicknames, alphabetically.
1:30: 1998 French Open women’s bracket draw.
2:00: “Burning Bridges With Keith Olbermann.” The once-popular “SportsCenter” anchor documents his seven tours of duty with the worldwide leader in sports.
3:15: “Best NASCAR Pit Stops, Volume 3 (2010).”
3:30: “Kiper and Lunardi: The Art of Coaxing.” The two iconic ESPN savants discuss how they persuaded the network to turn one-day events into year-round pursuits.
4:30: Stephen A. Smith yells at gate agents at O’Hare Airport.
5:00: “Around the Shoehorn.” Nike, Adidas, Puma and Under Armor reps examine best self-quarantine footwear.
5:30: “Pardon the Interruption, Undercover.” A hidden camera documents Tony Kornheiser complaining about Michael Wilbon and every single guest co-host with whom he has ever worked.
6:00: 2001 Mid-American Conference men’s basketball tournament third-place game.
6:30: “Backstory With Don Van Natta Jr.” An investigative look at Adam Schefter’s cellphone log.
7:00: “Outside the Lines: The Sunset.” The award-winning ‘‘OTL’’ team chronicles the sun setting in Bristol, Connecticut. Live.
7:30: World Series of Poker 2003.
8:30: World Series of Poker 2004.
9:30: “Outside the Lines: The Sunset (Pacific Time Zone).” The award-winning ‘‘OTL’’ team chronicles the sun setting in Pahrump, Nevada. Live.
10:00: Stephen A. Smith moonlights as a tollbooth worker who will not give out change.
10:30: “Cricket Tonight.” Adnan Virk returns as host.
11:00: World Series of Poker 2005.
12 a.m.: World Series of Poker 2006.
1:00: “Stephen A. Smith: After Dark.” The very eligible sweet talker tries his best hot takes in several New York City singles bars.
2:00: World Series of Poker 2007.
3:00: World Series of Poker 2008.
4:00: “The Sports Reporters 2.0.” Veteran correspondents from Bleacher Report, The Big Lead, Deadspin and Barstool Sports debate the hot issues of the day.
4:30: “The Making of ‘Cold Pizza’ (2003-2004).”
5:00: Jeremy Schaap reads select passages from Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged.”
5:30: Shuttle-run highlights from the 2012 NFL Scouting Combine.
5:45: Charley Steiner is “Macbeth.”
6:00: 2014 Pub Darts Challenge (Ireland vs. Wales).
6:30: “BodyShaping” (any year).
7:00: “Kraft Mac & Cheese Presents The Craig Kilborn Show.” With sidekick Downtown Julie Brown. Why not?
Meanwhile, Fox Sports 1 has a simpler, adjusted schedule:
9:30 a.m. to 1 a.m.: “Skip and Shannon: Undisputed.”
1 a.m. to 9:15 a.m.: “Skip All Night.” Skip Bayless at home!
9:15 a.m. to 9:30 a.m.: Off air for routine maintenance.
