Dear Abby: I’m off my meds and feeling better, but family’s confused
After years of being turned into a zombie by anti-depressants, ‘awakened’ reader now is speaking out, to the surprise of husband and other relatives.
DEAR ABBY: I had weight-loss surgery a year ago. I’m now off all medications (high blood pressure, antidepressants, etc.) and take only one multivitamin daily. I feel like I’m 25 again. However, I have also changed mentally. After many years of being a zombie on antidepressants, I feel like I have finally “awakened.”
I come from a dysfunctional, abusive childhood. My father abused my mother. I was diagnosed with dysthymia years ago, and I feel the diagnosis was correct. I now feel my dysthymia has turned more into anxiety than depression. I’m no longer afraid of speaking up and, after 20 years, I actually have opinions of my own.
Needless to say, my family (husband, grown children and in-laws) are not used to this side of me. I find myself feeling resentful, anxious and envious of certain immediate family and in-law family dynamics now. I don’t want to upset my family by being so vocal and opinionated, but I don’t want to get back on mind-altering prescriptions either. I also have little faith that counseling will do much good. I’m afraid I’ll be pushed into taking meds again. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place right now. Any advice? — A TOUGH SPOT IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR TOUGH SPOT: Keeping in mind that no one can force you back on medications if you don’t want them, I do think you could benefit from talking with a licensed mental health professional about this. You have made major changes in your life, and are no longer the person you were when you were prescribed the medications that made you feel like a zombie. A mental health professional can help you to sort out whether you have a problem or whether your family members do in dealing with the new you.
DEAR ABBY: In the future when I am able, I would like to travel with a mix of single and married ladies. I’m in a committed relationship, and when I discussed this with my partner, we had a difference of opinion.
She believes that happy individuals in committed relationships do not travel with other people. She believes happy couples should travel together and not independently. Is that controlling? I have traveled independently in prior committed relationships, and this has never been an issue.
Should I honor her request or deny it? She is pushing me to respect this rule and says it applies to her as well because she believes “females” let loose when they are away from their significant others. I get the distinct feeling that if I travel independently, there will be an emotional price to pay, or she will do something in my absence that will change the dynamics of our relationship. — LOVE OR CONTROL
DEAR LOVE: There are already issues that will change the dynamics of your relationship — your partner’s insecurity and need to control, and your need for some freedom. Unless you are laying down “rules” for her to follow as she is trying to do to you, step back and take a second look at this relationship. Healthy people who love each other want their partner to be happy and fulfilled whether they are together or apart. This takes trust, self-confidence and courage. Rather than the wind beneath your wings, it appears your partner may be more of an anchor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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