Dear Abby: I’d like another woman in our bed, but husband resists

Wife feels strong desire for a same-sex experience but doesn’t want to harm her terrific marriage.

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for five years. Before meeting my husband, I never thought I would find “the one.” Recently, I have been having feelings of wanting to experience sleeping with a woman. I’ve always been sexually adventurous, and I have mentioned a threesome, but he isn’t interested.

I don’t want to die without experiencing sex with a woman, but I also love my husband dearly, and we have a great partnership that I don’t want to destroy. Help! — WOMAN SEEKS WOMAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR WOMAN: It’s time for another frank conversation with your husband. Explain clearly that although you love him dearly and do not want to destroy your partnership, you are bi-curious and you would like to experience sex with a woman. However, if his reaction is negative, you must then decide how important fulfilling this fantasy is to you in light of the fact that it could threaten your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 10 years keeps all kinds of secrets from me. We let her adult daughter, “Maude,” move in. Maude is 35 and has one daughter. I recently found out that Maude is pregnant again. I heard they had decided to “surprise me” with the news. (The father is the same guy as before.) I’m tired of being the third wheel, and I think it’s time for me to call it quits. What do you think? — STAY OR GO IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR STAY OR GO: I’m glad you asked. What I think is that you are outnumbered. Maude should be living on her own or with the father of her children. If I am reading between the lines correctly, you have allowed yourself to be stuck with the financial burden that Maude and her irresponsible boyfriend should be carrying. I also think it’s time you gave your wife an ultimatum: Either Maude and her daughter move out or you will. Whichever option she chooses, your situation will improve.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a stay-at-home mother. My husband works Monday to Friday, 10 hours a day. We have been married nearly four years. My problem is we never have alone time. I feel if it continues, we will just fall apart.

On weekends, we sit home, and it’s claustrophobic. We have only one vehicle, which he needs to use, so during the week, I’m stuck at home. Being home 24/7 is driving me nuts. We never get out and have family time or a date night. I tell him we need it, but he doesn’t seem to care. Could you guide me on what to do? — IN NEED OF COUPLES’ TIME

DEAR IN NEED: Stop telling your husband “we” need a date night and say instead, “I need this! If you want our marriage to survive, you will take me out of here so we can spend time without the kid (or kids) because I feel like I’m going nuts.”

A date night every few weeks or once a month isn’t too much to ask for. If he is worried about the expense, make sure he knows a hamburger, a sandwich, a drive ALONE WITH HIM is what you need. But if he still doesn’t seem to care, then your problem is greater than cabin fever.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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