Dear Abby: Only one of bride’s aunts gets an invitation, and the other is upset

The excluded relative received a ‘save the date’ notice, then a letter saying the guest list had been scaled back.

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DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting married. Due to COVID restrictions, she had to cut back her guest list after sending “save the dates.” She wrote nice letters to those who were now uninvited, explaining the situation and how devastated she was. Well, one of my two sisters received a letter, and my family is falling apart over it.

My daughter and her fiance chose to keep the people they were closest to and who are a part of their close church family. My sister did not meet that criteria. However, my daughter is extremely close to sister No. 2, who was invited.

I am helping to pay for the wedding, but because the situation has become so stressful for my daughter, I have chosen not to push the issue. I’m losing sleep and what’s left of my relationship with my excluded sister over this. My mom is also devastated. The sister who was invited says I need to fix this. The shunned sister says she wouldn’t come even if she was given a pity invite. I’m sick about this. How do I move forward? — NAUSEOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NAUSEOUS: Regrettable as it is, what’s done is done. Your shunned sister says she wouldn’t attend your daughter’s wedding if she were invited at this late date. Your daughter and her fiance issued those invitations without your input, and now they will suffer the consequences.

Move forward by apologizing to your sister for your daughter’s unfortunate “mistake” and assuring her that your relationship with her is unchanged. If your sister is the only person in your family who wasn’t on the guest list, she has a right to her hurt feelings and, frankly, I sympathize with her. But this should not create a permanent rift in your entire family.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a relationship for six years with a man I’ll call Hal. He has several children and is a great father to all of them. The mother of one of his children can’t seem to get herself together. She is often homeless, and he always lets her into his home “because she’s the mother of his youngest child.” Hal and I don’t live together, but I’m sick of her living with him. My family says I’m a fool. I try to be understanding, but being with a man who has a female living in his home is embarrassing. Am I wrong for feeling this way? — UNEASY IN ALABAMA

DEAR UNEASY: You are not wrong. Is the woman Hal is sheltering mentally ill? Does she have an addiction problem? This arrangement IS unusual, and I can understand why it makes you uncomfortable. Continue the conversation with Hal, so he understands how you feel. Your family is trying to look out for you. Because it has been six years and your relationship with Hal has not progressed further, my advice is to recognize that it may be time to rethink this romance if what you want is an exclusive relationship.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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