DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a wonderful man for seven months and spend every weekend with him. We live 45 miles apart, but it works for us. He has a group of friends, five ladies, that he spends a lot of time with. He dated one of them for a year before he broke it off, but they remain friends.
I have met the group and, while they act friendly, I get a proprietary vibe from them. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable around them and I have told him so.
Am I looking for trouble where there isn’t any? Should I just ignore the fact that his friends are women? He has men friends, too, but it’s the girls he is closer to. — THREATENED IN ARIZONA
DEAR THREATENED: Some men relate better to women than they do to men — which may be why your gentleman friend is closer to these women than to his male friends. They may be emitting a “proprietary vibe” because they feel threatened and fear you will steal him away.
I don’t know where this relationship is headed, and neither do you at this point. So for now, ignore the “vibes.” Be warm and friendly to the women and concentrate on what you have going with him. And please, write me again in six months so I and my readers know what happens.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is expecting her second child. I threw a baby shower for her when she was expecting her first and she complained that it “felt cheap” and wasn’t the celebration she envisioned. I was deeply hurt, but the shower was for her, and I did not want to focus on my feelings. I apologized and tried to make it up with extra gifts.
I am unsure whether I should plan a shower for her now. I don’t want to offend her by not doing so. Everyone in our circle is fully vaccinated for COVID so that would not be a concern. Please advise. — WELL-MEANING IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR WELL-MEANING: Your daughter’s behavior is rude, insensitive and ungrateful. You are under no obligation to give her another baby shower. If she approaches you for another one, suggest she ask some of her friends to give her the “shower of her dreams.”
P.S. This is just an FYI, but if you care about the rules of etiquette, it is considered a breach for a mother to throw her daughter a shower. You have already done more than enough for her.
DEAR ABBY: Why, in social situations, do women with long hair feel the need to constantly change their hairstyle from an updo to letting it fall to their shoulders and vice versa? This lets hair — and dander — fly around, and it’s especially offensive at the dinner table. It’s like bringing in a collie and having it shake all over three or four times. We have noticed this especially in middle-aged women. Does anyone else find this offensive? My neighbor thinks they are trying to draw attention to themselves. — HAIRY SITUATION IN WASHINGTON
DEAR HAIRY SITUATION: This is a habit I have observed among women of every age. Switching from an updo to down and vice versa could also be temperature-related. (Could the middle-aged women be menopausal?) It may also be a nervous habit. But in most cases, I agree with your neighbor. It screams, “Look at me!”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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