Dear Abby: My dad is eager for grandchildren, but I’d rather wait

While woman, 20, wants to have kids before her loving father gets too old, she also has ambitious career plans.

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DEAR ABBY: I love both my parents so much, but I’m definitely closer to my dad. He has been there for me through it all, and now that I’m older, I want to be the best daughter possible to him.

Here’s the issue: Dad was older when I came along, and he’s impatient for grandkids. I’m 20 and on the pre-med track in college, and my career path will make me a very busy individual for years to come. Because of this, I planned to postpone having kids until later on. I want to be able to spend time with them and be an involved parent.

But doing the math, Dad would be in his 70s by the time I had a child, and I’m worried he won’t be able to see them grow up. He says he deserves to have grandkids sooner rather than later and has assured me that he’ll take care of them for me so I can work. I feel so torn. I want to make sure he gets to meet his grandkids, but I also feel it would be unfair to them if I can’t spend time with them. What should I do? — ON THE FAST TRACK

DEAR O.T.F.T.: Do not knuckle under to the pressure! Your father “deserves” to become a grandparent when you are ready to have a child, not before. If his health is good, he could live well into his 80s and beyond. If it isn’t, he should not be responsible for taking care of small children. For the sake of any child you aspire to bring into this world, do not conceive one because you feel indebted to your father. You will be better able to provide for your family once you have completed your education, internship and residency — and found a partner.

DEAR ABBY: I bought a condo three months ago that I love. There are just a few things about it that bother me. When the couple who lives upstairs walks across the floor, it sounds like Bigfoot, and when they make love, I cannot escape the loud moaning and the noisy mattress. I have talked to them about it, but nothing has changed. I’m ready to put the place up for sale. Any suggestions? — MAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MAD: Before buying a home, the prospective buyer should ask whether there are any defects in the place — and a good home inspector is a must. The builder of your new condo failed to install sound-dampening insulation between the floors. Before offering the place for sale, consult a contractor and ask if something can be done to remedy your problem. However, if that would be too costly, you may have to find another place to live. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: How can I tactfully explain to a friend that no one wants to see cleavage on a 70-plus-year-old lady? I’m sure it looks OK when she leaves the house, but when she’s sitting, her tops slide down and show more than they should. Or maybe she thinks she is being sexy? — MORTIFIED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MORTIFIED: I don’t know whether your friend is trying to be sexy, and neither do you. My heartfelt advice to you is to keep your nose out of her cleavage.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To order “How to Write Letters for All Occasions,” send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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