Dear Abby: I want my boyfriend to cut his hair for Grandma’s funeral

His long and unruly pandemic mop isn’t appropriate for a memorial service.

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DEAR ABBY: When I met my boyfriend several years ago, he had a long mohawk nearly reaching his shoulders. He likes having long hair, and frankly, it suits him. However, during the last couple of years he has taken the pandemic as license to let it grow as long as it can get. His hair now reaches more than halfway down his back.

The issue is that my grandmother recently passed away. She was a devout Catholic, and I’m worried my boyfriend’s hair won’t be appropriate for the funeral. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but the thought of him looking so unruly at the service really bothers me. I’m thinking about asking him to cut it to collar length, but I don’t want to overstep since it’s his hair. Should I say something or let it go? — GROOMED IN THE EAST

DEAR GROOMED: Do not ask your boyfriend to cut a foot off his hair for the funeral. Suggest instead that he wear it slicked back into a ponytail or a man bun. I have seen young men similarly coiffed, and it looks fine.

DEAR ABBY: I am on hydrocodone for my back pain, and my wife keeps taking my medication because she says her back hurts. I have threatened to leave her, turn her in to the police and tell our children. She quits stealing the meds for a while and then starts up again. What can I do? Should I turn her in to the police or what? — IN PAIN IN INDIANA

DEAR IN PAIN: Do not turn your wife in to the police. Take control of your medications and keep them somewhere she can’t pilfer them until you no longer need them. Inform your doctor that your wife has been stealing your pain meds and appears to have developed an addiction. If she hasn’t already, she should have a doctor diagnose and treat her back pain separately from yours.

DEAR ABBY: An adopted family member tragically lost a close member of her biological family a while ago. Her grief has been intense, and she continues to air it on social media. The rest of us have been drenched in her tears long enough. She needs to get on with her life, which includes a husband, two kids and an adoptive family that has loved and supported her through her time of grief. What would be a kind and tactful way to let her know she has overstayed her time on the pity potty? — ENOUGH ALREADY IN MONTANA

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: NO! Please don’t do that. Everyone grieves differently. Some heal quickly; others never get over their loss. Because you can no longer cope with the poor woman’s grief, quit reading her posts. The most helpful thing you could offer her would be to suggest she ask her doctor or her spiritual adviser about the various grief support groups in her area.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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