Dear Abby: As I’m incarcerated, girlfriend stands by me but wants baby

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old man, and I’m currently incarcerated. My girlfriend, “Diana,” and I have been together for four years. She has a 6-year-old daughter, and I have a 7-year-old son. Our kids are very close, and I am also very close to her daughter.

I may be locked up for some time. I have given Diana the option of moving on without me, but she says she doesn’t want to do that. She is going to stay with me no matter what. That’s great, but everyone around her is pregnant and having babies, and Diana tells me how much she wants another baby. Is it selfish of me to allow her to stick it out with me, knowing I can’t give her what she wants? — INSIDE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INSIDE: Diana is a grown woman and capable of making this decision for herself. Just because “everyone around her” is having babies doesn’t mean she has to. If she wants to wait for your release, she can have a child with you at that time, and this is what I am advising.

DEAR ABBY: I need some help trying to save my marriage. I don’t talk a lot in a relationship or with other people. I am aware that communication is important in a relationship, but I never realized how important it was until my wife told me I don’t communicate enough and we started talking about divorce.

We have a 4-year-old, who I think is the glue to our marriage. I would like our marriage to last, but I’m afraid ours is so far gone it can’t be fixed. Could you please help me try to save our marriage? — HANGING IN THERE OUT WEST

DEAR HANGING: Tell your wife you love her and are willing to work on your communication skills with her help, if she is willing. If her response is affirmative, the two of you should seek a referral to a licensed clinical social worker or a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you learn to communicate with each other more effectively.

DEAR ABBY: I love trains. I can imitate a train whistle, and I like doing it. I learned how to do it about 10 years ago by listening to trains whistle for many years. I’m in my 30s now. I know there are places I shouldn’t do it. Some people I know like to hear me do it anywhere. Others say I should do it only outside. Still others say don’t do it at all.

When I see and hear a train, I will sometimes automatically whistle. It’s not the best thing to do, I suppose, but it’s not the worst either. I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs, and I’m fairly healthy. What do you think of my imitating a train whistle? Have you ever heard of anyone doing this? — WHISTLING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WHISTLING: Congratulations. Your letter is a first. I have never heard of someone imitating a train whistle who was over the age of 8. I see no harm in doing it as long as it doesn’t annoy the people around you by startling them or putting their hearing at risk.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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