DEAR ABBY: I’ve been living with my boyfriend, “Dan,” for 15 years. He has always worked, and he doesn’t hit me. If he’s mad he lets go easy and doesn’t dwell on stuff. (I can’t say the same about me.)
Here’s the issue: On his Facebook profile in the “relationship status” section, he states that he’s “single.” Other times he has used “open relationship” or “it’s complicated.” We’ve been together way too long for him to write something like that.
I love him, but I don’t want a future of living with this from my man. I feel like I’m wasting precious years. Life goes by so fast. I’m thinking about leaving him. What does he mean by doing that? Can you advise me, Abby? — TAKEN IN GEORGIA
DEAR TAKEN: Please accept my sympathy. You have spent the last 15 years with someone who is commitment-phobic. When people post that they’re in an open relationship, it means they are interested in exploring other relationships. If what you want is someone to marry, then you are right — if a little late — in thinking about leaving him.
The odds that he will give you what you need are slim. Have an honest conversation with Dan about “where you are headed as a couple.” If your visions don’t match, move on.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are friendly with another couple our age. They are kind and generous and would do almost anything for us. They like to meet us for an occasional dinner. The problem is the husband feels compelled to put on a show in the restaurant, telling jokes and kidding with the waitstaff and patrons sitting around us. The wife talks almost constantly, and so does her husband, so it’s hard to have a conversation with them. They take forever ordering and think nothing of holding up the table for hours.
We went out last night and I “hinted” that I’m uncomfortable with the unnecessary attention and would like us to be more low-key. The response was, “We like to have fun. It makes us happy, and people always thank us because we make their day.” I think people just play along and secretly find them annoying.
I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I don’t know what to say if they ask us out again. My husband feels the same as I do. Any suggestions? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN ARIZONA
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: They may be nice people, but their compulsion to perform in public makes you uncomfortable. Added to that is your inability to talk with them on a meaningful level because they dominate the conversation. If you like them in private, under controlled conditions, invite them over. But politely decline their invitations to eat out.
DEAR READERS: I’m wishing you all a happy and healthy Fourth of July! Please drive carefully and celebrate safely. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)