Dear Abby: In debt, I might ask for money from birth mom

Reader spends a lot helping adoptive parents who are in poor health.


DEAR ABBY: Would it be wrong to reach out to my biological mother for financial help? I was adopted when I was just 2 months old. I was lucky to have wonderful parents, but they are in poor health, and it’s affecting both of them physically. I’m going into debt helping them out financially. They are on a fixed income that barely covers their expenses.

Would it be wrong of me to ask my birth mother for that help? We see each other occasionally. My birth mother sold her house and isn’t hurting financially. I don’t want to sound entitled. I just need some help, and I’m prepared for a no. — ENTITLED TO ANYTHING?

DEAR ENTITLED: It isn’t your birth mother’s responsibility to support the couple who adopted you, particularly since the request for money would be ongoing. You stated that you see her only occasionally. (If you do what you are considering, you may be seeing her less often.)

If your parents still have relatives, you might have some success if you approach them for the financial help you are seeking. If not, reach out to your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Dan,” and I separated for four months. We have now reunited. However, his son “Ryan” told me he never wants to see me again. I wrote him a letter, expressed my remorse and invited him to visit, but have received no response. Ryan shuns me now. My husband is going to invite him to visit, but I don’t know how I will deal with it. I do not want to be his hostess. What should I do? — BACK TOGETHER IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR BACK: IF Dan invites Ryan to visit, and IF Ryan agrees, put on a smile and become the most gracious hostess since Perle Mesta. (If you don’t know who she was, look her up.) Your husband may be able to mediate a resumption of harmonious family relations. If his son regarded your leaving as a personal rejection, Dan may be able to disabuse him of that idea and patch things up.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently discharged from the hospital. Family members have told my husband to call if there’s anything they can do to help. That makes one more thing for my husband to do — make a phone call.

I’d like to suggest a better way to help. Family members, please call and TELL my husband what specifically you would LIKE to do to help. Some examples: Bring a meal. Do an errand. Sit with me while my husband goes out to do errands, etc.

I think the best thing anyone can do is bring a meal. It’s one less thing for the caretaker to have to do. The food doesn’t have to be homemade; it can be bought. Patient and caregiver still have to eat. Thank you, Abby, for letting me make this point. — HAPPY TO BE HOME

DEAR HAPPY: Your point is well taken. You are right. It never hurts to volunteer what you could do to help someone recovering from a medical procedure. Some suggestions: Do some marketing or laundry or pick up their child from school and take them to the park to burn off some energy.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

The Latest
El índice de positividad a la prueba del COVID-19 en Chicago durante la semana que finalizó el 19 de julio fue del 9.8%, por encima del 7.6% de la semana pasada. Las hospitalizaciones también han aumentado, pero no al mismo ritmo, según las autoridades.
La campaña de Harris llamó al gobernador para conversar sobre el puesto número 2 el miércoles, dijo una fuente al Sun-Times. “Sería reacio a hacer un cambio, pero sería difícil resistirse a una llamada y a ser considerado si la candidata me llamara para preguntarme si quiero ser considerado para la vicepresidencia”, dijo Pritzker a CNN.
El deporte y el juego complementan el aprendizaje en los salones de clase. Las escuelas no deberían tener que recortarlos a causa del déficit de las Escuelas Públicas de Chicago.
The Democratic National Convention takes place on Aug. 19-22, but street closures and public transit detours begin days earlier as authorities prepare the security areas around them.
Preliminary information indicates a stray bullet shot from outside entered the home in the 1500 block of Cherokee Drive and struck the girl, according to the Lake County Major Crime Task Force.