This You Gotta See: Bears host Colts, Bucs about 100 hours apart. What could go wrong?

What if the Bears get to 5-0? Will they suddenly be the talk of the league? Will people start putting them in the Super Bowl conversation? Did anybody get the license-plate number of that truck that just sped off with our brains?

SHARE This You Gotta See: Bears host Colts, Bucs about 100 hours apart. What could go wrong?
Chicago Bears v Atlanta Falcons

A lot of plays that look like this one would really help.

Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images

We’ve never played in the NFL, but it makes our joints cry out in agony just to think about getting knocked around on the field on a Sunday only to have to get knocked around a bunch more on a Thursday.

But that’s what the Bears are up against this week. Make that “weeks” — as in Weeks 4 and 5 of the season — with games against the Colts and Buccaneers at Soldier Field.

Their recovery time shrunk, too, when Sunday’s kickoff was moved from noon to 3:25 p.m. as a result of the coronavirus-related postponement of the Patriots-Chiefs game. Kind of a raw deal, isn’t it?

It’s probably best for the Bears’ chances, though, if they don’t follow our lead by whining like a bunch of babies.

First, the Bears will try to get to 4-0 for the first time since their Super Bowl season of 2006. Win that one, and they’ll have a chance to get to 5-0 for the first time since … hang on, have to look this one up … their Super Bowl season of 2006.

What if they do get to 5-0? Will they suddenly be the talk of the league? Will people start putting them in the Super Bowl conversation? Did anybody get the license-plate number of that truck that just sped off with our brains?

On the other hand, the Bears are in danger of losing twice in, like, 100 hours. That doesn’t sound like much fun at all.

Here’s what’s happening:

SUN 4

Storm vs. Aces, Game 2 (2 p.m., Ch. 7)

Breanna Stewart had 37 points, 15 rebounds and four blocks in Seattle’s WNBA Finals-opening victory. There’s no truth to the rumor Las Vegas coach Bill Laimbeer is plotting to don a uniform and give her a cheap shot.

Colts at Bears (3:25 p.m., Ch. 2)

Does Nick Foles have any chance at all against Indy’s intimidating, terrifying, totally awesome, best-in-the-league defense? That was a passive-aggressive challenge to Khalil Mack, Akiem Hicks and Eddie Jackson, in case you were wondering.

Lakers vs. Heat, Game 3 (6:30 p.m., Ch. 7)

Will big man Bam Adebayo be able to overcome the pain in his neck? No, we aren’t referring to Anthony Davis. Miami starters Adebayo and Goran Dragic missed Game 2 with injuries.

Eagles at 49ers (7:20 p.m., Ch. 5)

Philly coach Doug Pederson probably should thank Foles about 100 more times for the whole Super Bowl thing. Did we mention Carson Wentz has the lowest quarterback rating in the NFL?

MON 5

Astros vs. Athletics, Game 1 (3:07 p.m., TBS)

Whom are we supposed to root for, baseball’s most notorious cheaters since the 1919 White Sox or the heartless sons of guns who ended the season of the 2020 White Sox?

Yankees vs. Rays, Game 1 (7:07 p.m., TBS)

The benches cleared the last time these teams met, furthering the narrative that the division rivals pretty much hate each other. Are we bad people if that’s our favorite narrative?

Falcons at Packers (7:15 p.m., ESPN)

Is it crazy to think the winless visitors just might take it to their unbeaten hosts? Until the visitors gag in the fourth quarter, needless to say, but that’s a separate issue.

TUE 6

Padres vs. Dodgers, Game 1 (TBD)

How perfectly 2020 is it that these teams are playing in Arlington, Texas, while the American League series unfold in San Diego and Los Angeles?

Marlins vs. Braves, Game 1 (TBD)

What player we’ve never heard of will take a star turn for the Marlins next? Do they still have that Miguel Cabrera kid? 

NHL draft, Round 1 (6 p.m., NBCSN)

The Blackhawks own the 17th pick in this draft, which was supposed to take place back in June. Some of these prospects may even have started shaving since then.

Lakers vs. Heat, Game 4 (8 p.m., Ch. 7)

You just get the feeling that nothing is going to stop the great LeBron James from winning his fourth championship. Sorry, did somebody say something about LeBron losing six more times in the Finals than Michael Jordan did?

WED 7

NHL draft, Rounds 2-7 (10:30 a.m., NHLN)

Alex DeBrincat and Brandon Saad were second-round picks by the Hawks. Heck, Andrew Shaw was a fifth-rounder. You never know when the next Shaw will come out of nowhere and try to take your head off.

THU 8

Buccaneers at Bears (7:20 p.m., Fox-32, NFLN)

Who is Tampa’s quarterback again? Oh, yeah, it’s that Tom Brady fella. He’s so old, he has Super Bowl rings he probably doesn’t even remember winning. Yep, we know: Sick burn.

SAT 10

French Open women’s final (8 a.m., Ch. 5)

An American hasn’t won at Roland Garros since Serena Williams in 2015, and most tennis experts we know doubt that’ll change this year. OK, fine, we don’t know any tennis experts.

Florida State at Notre Dame (6:30 p.m., Ch. 5)

Some of us are old enough to remember when the mighty Seminoles coming to town would wake up all the echoes. Sadly, the mighty Seminoles stink now.

Miami at Clemson (6:30 p.m., Ch. 7)

Is Miami really back? There’s no better way to find out than by paying a visit to Death Valley. And by “better” we mean worse.

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