TMZzzzz: Cubs ‘caught’ on camera being lame party animals

(Note: This story appears as part of a Cubs Extra section in Sun-Times Sports Saturday edition from May 25, 2019)

Anthony Rizzo! Jon Lester! Caught on video!

The headline was all-caps breathless: Cubs players “PARTIED UNTIL 4 AM.”

And then this bombshell: “…After Loss to Nationals.”

Indeed, the amateur gotcha video accompanying the TMZ Sports “story” showed star Cubs Rizzo and Lester standing next to each other in a Georgetown nightclub Saturday night after Lester’s loss to the Washington Nationals. They appeared to have beverages in their hands. Music could be heard pumping loudly through the place -- and you WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

They went to McDonald’s.

No? Check out the video! Teammates Albert Almora Jr. and Kyle Schwarber can even be seen joining them for a McLate-night snack on that

“Yeah, I don’t remember the night,” Rizzo deadpanned, when asked about the caught-on-camera nightclub-and-McGriddle escapades.

Rizzo shrugged off the high-tech, voyeurism-for-sale culture that public figures of his generation deal with.

“It’s really part of the gig. You understand wherever you go you’re going to be watched,” he said. “So you just don’t do anything that’s going to embarrass yourself too much. And if you think McDonald’s is embarrassing, you might not be American.

“You just know that out on the field you’re representing more than yourself so if you’re going to go out,” he added, “there’s a difference between having fun and acting like an idiot. So it’s being smart.”

The closest thing to embarrassing might have been Rizzo’s nuanced head-bob of a dance.

“I didn’t dance,” he said. “I don’t remember.”

Rizzo’s manager expressed enough outrage over the cell-phone video intrusion for both of them.

“I detest the instrument,” said Joe Maddon, whose anti-smart-phone sentiments were displayed on one of his customized, themed paintings from last year.

“I think it’s tawdry. Why would people do that and then put it on TV? And then why would that be interesting anyway?

“So blow up the cell phone.”