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‘Game of Thrones’ merchandise ranked from the ridiculous to the regal

This product image released by HBO shows various styles of Adidas x Game of Thrones Ultra Boosts sneakers inspired by HBO's "Game of Thrones" series. From wine to clothing to tours, HBO and retailers have cashed in throughout the years with “Game of Thrones” merchandise. | HBO via AP

HBO’s “Game of Thrones” has delivered not just winter but a “Mountain’s” worth of merchandise aimed at the millions of fans obsessed with TV’s most talked about series (Sunday, 8 p.m.).

To that end, we’ve retired to The Citadel, put on our maester’s robe and compiled a sampling of wares marketed over the eight-season life of “Thrones,” which ends its run May 19.

Here’s our ranking of each product’s fit with the “Thrones” brand, from the ridiculous to the sublime, followed by our own fantasy suggestions inspired by that wayward Starbucks cup (Wouldn’t Pike Place have been the perfect name for Joffrey’s display of enemy heads?):

10. Khal Drogo thongs

Imagine a trip to the ER when you’re wearing this underwear. Regretfully, our choice for most ridiculous “Thrones” product appears to have gone the way of Khaleesi Dany’s late husband, as it no longer is available on Etsy or Pinterest. With any luck, any remaining thongs have found their way to a funeral pyre, just like their namesake.

9. Iron Throne (toilet) wall decal

Coming in a close second in the epic Battle of Bad Taste is this wall decal (Etsy, $28-30 and elsewhere) that’s designed to turn your porcelain throne into the Iron Throne. Bonus: It offers a great setting to re-enact Tywin Lannister’s epic death scene.

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The Night King Geeki Tikis Mug. | <a href="http://shop.hbo.com">shop.hbo.com</a>
The Night King Geeki Tikis Mug. | shop.hbo.com

8. The Night King Geeki Tikis Mug

Who knew that if you went far enough north of The Wall you ended up in Polynesia? That’s the best explanation we can come up with for this bizarre thematic pairing (shop.hbo.com, $17.99), our choice for most illogical “Thrones” memento. For that, we love it.

Night games meet knight games: the Cubs/”Game of Thrones” Night King bobblehead, part of a new series of bobbleheads combining MLB teams and characters from the HBO series. | Copyright HBO
Night games meet knight games: the Cubs/”Game of Thrones” Night King bobblehead, part of a new series of bobbleheads combining MLB teams and characters from the HBO series. | Copyright HBO

7. “GoT” Major League Baseball bobbleheads

Yeah, so maybe the Phillie Phanatic sitting on the Iron Throne constitutes blasphemy, whether you worship the Old Gods or The Lord of Light, but it’s so darn cute! (FOCO, $45-60)

Of course, you can’t go wrong with any “Thrones” action figure from the always reliable Funko Pop! collection (shop.hbo.com, $15-30).

6. Danielle Nicole “GoT” handbags/accessories

We’re not offering fashion criticism, but a collection (Danielle Nicole, $18-$88) that includes a House Stark Faux Fur Backpack and a House Targaryen Dragon Tote gets high marks just for the names.

Brewery Ommegang’s For the Throne beer and Royal Reserve Collection. Visit <a href="http://www.ommegang.com">www.ommegang.com</a> | ommegang.com
Brewery Ommegang’s For the Throne beer and Royal Reserve Collection. Visit www.ommegang.com | ommegang.com

5. Brewery Ommegang’s For the Throne beer and Royal Reserve Collection

Maybe it’s that Winterfell drinking fest talking, but the 750-milliliter Ommegang bottles serve as handsome decorations worthy of display in the Red Keep – even before they’ve been opened. The names are fun, too, starting with Iron Throne Ale, the first beer released in 2015, and more recent Royal Reserve offerings, including Hand of the Queen barley wine and ale-blend Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, and the newest, For the Throne, a co-fermentation beer (Information at ommegang.com).

But who would be the best spokesman? We’re thinking Tyrion Lannister for craft-beer snobs and Tormund Giantsbane for the “when you’re having more than one” crowd.

4. Adidas’ ‘GoT’ Ultraboost Shoes collection

These running shoes might be just the thing for a Westeros resident seeking to beat a hasty retreat in the face of a dragon or White Walker. The shoe color palette matches the colors of the respective “Thrones” houses, with some fun bonuses: the family sigil on the tongue and motto on the heel tag (Adidas, $180).

3. White Walker by Johnnie Walker

Move over Johnnie Walker Red, Black and Blue. The whisky brand offers a “chilling” limited-edition White Walker blend ($36) in a distinctive white-and-blue bottle. If you’re shaken by the Striding Man logo shedding his friendly demeanor for an air of menace as a Night King lieutenant, settle down with one of the suggested drinks: Army of the Dead, The Night King’s Sour or Hold the Door.

Diageo, which owns Johnnie Walker, also features a single-malt collection ($29.99-$64.99) named for seven Westeros houses and the Night’s Watch.

This product image released by HBO shows Urban Decay’s new makeup collection inspired by the HBO series “Game of Thrones.” | HBO via AP
This product image released by HBO shows Urban Decay’s new makeup collection inspired by the HBO series “Game of Thrones.” | HBO via AP

2. Urban Decay “GoT” makeup collection

Urban Decay says its makeup choices are “inspired by chosen places in Westeros and the strong women of the Seven Kingdoms,” with looks designed for fans of House Stark, House Targaryen, House Lannister and the White Walkers (Urban Decay, $19-$65, with a special Vault edition, $250).

It’s hard to top a product line that features these names: Mother of Dragons Highlight Palette (complete with dragon-egg-shaped shades named for Drogon, Rhaegal and Viserion); Dracarys Lip & Cheek Stain; Jon Snow’s Longclaw Large Eyeshadow Brush; and Arya Stark’s Needle Flat Eyeshadow Brush.

1. Hodor Door Stop

With no disrespect to the beloved and much-missed Hodor, this stop — a take on the tragic “Hold the Door” assignment that fried the Bran protector’s mind — is kind of brilliant.