DEAR ABBY: My husband went to his 45th class reunion a state away and hooked up with a classmate. Over the next few months it went from talking and texting to her sending him nude pictures of herself.
I found her emails professing her love to him. When I asked him, he swore nothing happened between them during the two weeks he was there other than a lunch date. After further investigation, I have discovered they had more than 30 hours of phone conversations, exchanged 4,000-plus texts and who knows the number of emails. Not only that, he bought another phone so I could no longer see the interactions on our shared cell account.
He finally admitted they did have a sexual encounter. He has now agreed to end all contact with her and work on our marriage. He has apologized, but I’m struggling to believe him because every time I found damning evidence, he would make up another excuse or blame it all on her. He never told her to stop or blocked her.
Is it time to cut my losses, or should I wait to see if he does this again? Why do people think having affairs is a good thing? — CONFUSED IN MONTANA
DEAR CONFUSED: People who think an affair is a good thing for a marriage are deluding themselves. An affair only adds to the problems the couple was trying to ignore.
It’s time for you and your husband to make an appointment with a licensed marriage and family therapist. Marriages can survive infidelity, but it takes time, full disclosure and hard work to rebuild trust. It will happen more quickly with professional help. If it doesn’t work, THEN may be the time to “cut your losses.”
Only you can decide whether your marriage has been irretrievably broken.
DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. I had surgery and radiation treatment, and although my recovery was slow, I am doing well now.
About a year ago, a co-worker was diagnosed with breast cancer. Our other co-workers raised a large sum of money for her to be used at a spa. They have also offered her emotional support via phone calls, texts, visits and cards.
While I don’t begrudge her the gifts and support, I’m very hurt that all I received was a handful of cards, an occasional phone call or text and one visit from one person. Only one of my co-workers stuck by me through everything.
I see these people all the time, and I’m having a hard time with my hurt feelings. Any thoughts on how I can move on? As a sidebar, these people are always the first ones to ask me for help and support at work. — HURT IN THE EAST
DEAR HURT: There is nothing to be gained by nursing this disappointment. You and this woman are different people and likely have different relationships with these co-workers. If you don’t want to help the people you feel gave you short shrift by comparison, you are free not to. But if you intend to continue working at the place you now do, recognize that it is time to put this behind you and move forward.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
