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Cheryl Lavin: You’d be surprised by the kind of people who patronize strip clubs

Children, class is in session. Our teacher today is Miss Stormy. She’s a single, 41-year-old woman who will tutor us in Strip Clubs 101 . . .

Says Stormy: “I’ve been in the marketing profession for 20 years, working closely with sales reps, who are mainly men. We have sales meetings, product launches and trade shows throughout the year and the country. I’m considered one of the guys and allowed into their inner circle.

“Wherever we are, there’s always a group of men whose sole objective is to go to the strip clubs. These same men are very proud of their wives and kids. In fact, we’d often be at an awards presentation, with photographs of their families proudly displayed, just hours before their excursion to the clubs.

“After hearing all the stories, I decided to see what all the hype was about. I’ve frequented dozens of clubs. Most are big and clean. There’s a cover fee, which is waived for ladies. There are huge bouncers who protect the dancers. The host, usually a big guy in a suit, seats the guests. If you look like you have money or if you tip him, you’ll get a better seat. If you order bottles of liquor for the entire table and act like a big shot, more girls will come over to your table.

“The strippers sit on the guys’ laps, take off their ties and put it on themselves. When I see this, I can’t help but wonder what their wives or daughters, who gave them those ties for Christmas, would do if they knew it was now nestled in some lady’s boobs.

“There’s always a group celebrating a bachelor party. They drink a lot and have lap dances in the back room. The bachelor goes on stage and the DJ has all the strippers dance for him while he sits on the stage in nothing but his underwear. The guys in his group hoot and holler, and you can tell which man is the bride’s father by his awkward smile.

“The strippers have one goal which is to have men buy them drinks which are hideously priced and watered down. (I always order beer in a bottle.) They laugh and touch the men in hopes of getting them to buy a lap dance. Money is flying. When you pay the entrance fee, the girl taking the money will ask you how many singles you want.

“There are a lot of woman who go to strip clubs with their man. In fact, I mostly go with dates now. It’s fun to watch the males lusting over the females. It’s the ultimate people-watching experience. And you’d be surprised who frequents these places: It’s Everyman! I’ve seen salesmen, service technicians, accountants and top executives there.

“I’ve been to clubs in Vegas, Amsterdam, Tijuana, Mobile, Chicago, Atlanta, San Antonio, San Francisco and New Orleans. Wherever there’s a man willing to pay to see a naked woman, there will be strip clubs. It’s a fantasy world where minivans, bills, mortgages and work no longer exist. It’s a happy place and the more people label it as the devil’s playground, the more attractive it is to certain types of people. Mainly your neighbor!”

Do you go to strip clubs? Why? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.

And check out my new ebook, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.” COPYRIGHT 2014 CREATORS.COM