DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend just over a year. We live and work together, which I enjoy. He, on the other hand, expressed from day one that all he asks for out of our relationship is “space.” I’m fine with that, but now it seems he needs more and more space. (An example: spending nights at friends’ because they go out drinking on the weekends.)
I have told him I think it’s selfish because weekends are the only free time both of us have together. And lately, it has become a few weekends out of the month. My friends and family think it’s bordering on inappropriate because when you’re in a relationship, you want to spend time with the person you love.
I’m at a crossroads. Part of me understands where he’s coming from; another part of me thinks it’s a cop-out. I’m wondering if I should put up with it for now until we find separate jobs (if that will even solve the problem) or if I should kick him to the curb. Advice? — MATTER OF SPACE IN FLORIDA
DEAR MATTER OF SPACE: A man whose idea of a good time is going out drinking with his buddies to the point that he can’t make it home isn’t ready for an exclusive relationship.
While I don’t advise “kicking him to the curb,” if your idea of a satisfying relationship is spending weekends enjoying each other’s company, tell him you need more than he’s prepared to give you and it would be better if one of you moved out.
DEAR ABBY: My wife has fibromyalgia and Behcet’s disease, an autoimmune disorder. We also have a 5-year-old daughter with special needs. My wife constantly complains about how much pain she’s in as she spends most of her days smoking and playing on her phone. She refuses to exercise and flits from doctor to doctor trying different pills and homeopathic remedies.
I’m in the military. I work full time and go to college full time. I take care of the cooking and cleaning around the house.
She has gained a tremendous amount of weight, and I am no longer physically attracted to her. I’m also beginning to feel like her illnesses are an excuse to take advantage of me. If I hear, “You promised to love me ‘in sickness and in health’ ” one more time, I’ll explode.
I feel trapped and I want to run. What do I do? — FEELING DOWN IN DELAWARE
DEAR FEELING DOWN: You are carrying a heavy load. But as tempting as it may seem, running away won’t make your problems disappear. You have a child who needs you and a wife who is legitimately sick.
It’s time to explore what services may be available to you and your family through the military. A good place to start would be www.militaryonesource.mil. It is a 24/7 support resource for the military community that offers, among other things, face-to-face non-medical counseling.
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