Dear Abby: Grown sons ask, was our mom your gay lover?
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DEAR ABBY: When I was a young, newly divorced, single mother, I returned to college. There I met a woman in similar circumstances. We became fast friends, decided to pool our resources while we pursued higher education and moved in together.
Over time, the friendship became more than platonic.
This was my first experience with same-sex relationships, and I loved her deeply. We had six years together, but ultimately it didn’t work out and we moved on. I have been in a committed marriage all these years since.
Recently, her now-grown sons called me to “catch up.” During the course of the conversation, they asked me if their mother and I had had an intimate relationship.
I didn’t know what to say. My ex became very religious after our split and has never openly acknowledged (that I know of) the nature of our relationship.
It’s certainly not my story to tell, but I didn’t know how to respond to her sons without telling a blatant lie or giving an answer that would verify their suspicions. So I faked losing the phone connection to keep from answering.
What should I do the next time they call? — ANCIENT HISTORY IN ARIZONA
DEAR ANCIENT HISTORY: Do not “out” her to her sons. The next time they call, if that question is asked again, handle it with a laugh and say they should take their questions about their mother’s sex life directly to her. Period!
DEAR ABBY: I recently had a baby and gained 25 pounds. My husband and I decided to go on a post-baby diet, which includes cutting out carbs and sugar. Over the past month, he has lost about 15 pounds; I lost eight.
The problem is, he is constantly talking about our diet. He dictates everything we eat, although he refuses to cook. He also wants to know my exact weight to see how I’m doing.
Abby, I’m too embarrassed to tell him my weight as I’m a few pounds heavier than he is. Why doesn’t he understand that weighing me is very embarrassing?
He constantly tells me he loves me and wants to help me live a healthy lifestyle. I should also mention that I have suffered from emotional eating my entire life. — NOT WANTING TO WEIGH IN
DEAR NOT WANTING TO WEIGH IN: The person determining your post-baby diet should not be your husband; it should be your doctor or a licensed nutritionist. Your husband may be well-meaning, but what he is doing is counterproductive. When emotional eaters are stressed, they eat!
Please schedule an appointment with your physician and your spouse to talk about what’s going on because it is not healthy for you or your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I raised all five of my children without much help from their deadbeat dad, who was never around.
They are grown now. I am still single and barely making a living. All of my kids live around the Dallas area. I don’t.
Where I live is working for me because I have jobs, but I want to be near them. Should I throw away what I have to go and be near them, or stay where I am financially stable? I love my children so much. — LONESOME MOM
DEAR LONESOME MOM: Unless you are sure you can find work in the Dallas area, you should not relocate. It would make more sense for you to discuss this with your children and encourage them to visit you more often, if it’s feasible.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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