Dear Abby: Husband should ask wife why she never mentioned she was adopted
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DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 30 years. Many years ago I found out, inadvertently, that my wife is adopted. (My wife has no siblings, and her parents died when she was in college.) Concerned that she might not know about it, I contacted senior members of her family to confirm.
They all confirmed what I had heard and said my wife knows about it. I think it’s odd she never shared this with me. It wouldn’t change things between us, but it bothers me that she has never told me. To the best of my knowledge, she has no idea that I know.
I am having major heart surgery in the fall, and this is something I would like to discuss with her before I do. I’m curious to hear your thoughts. — LEFT OUT
DEAR LEFT OUT: Tell your wife what you learned, that you’re surprised she never mentioned it, and ask her why. It’s a fair question, and being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of.
DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore and have a boyfriend, although we keep our relationship to ourselves. I get asked out a few times a week by other boys who are clearly interested. My boyfriend doesn’t mind that I have male friends, but my problem is the other boys are never direct about their intentions.
Usually, they’ll say it’s to “hang out” or “grab dinner” — very casual, vague invitations. To accept would make me feel I’m leading them on somehow, but to refuse “because I have a boyfriend” would make it look like I’m jumping to conclusions about them. Is there a polite way to tell someone that you’re seeing someone — without being accusatory — but that you would still like to be friends? — JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
DEAR JUMPING: Say it this way: “I’d love to, but, you know, I have a boyfriend. Would that be a problem for you?” If the boy says no — then go. If he hits on you after that, tell him you think he’s great, but you want to be friends — one can never have enough friends — and you’re not looking for another romance. If the boy respects you, he’ll accept it and not try again while you and your boyfriend are together.
DEAR ABBY: I feel that the longer you go to the same hairdresser, the more she takes you for granted. The service gets worse. When I have shared this opinion with some of her other clients, they agreed. The salon does not have a receptionist.
Whoever is there just picks up the phone, whether the stylist is working on a customer or not. During my last haircut, which usually lasts about half an hour, she answered the phone six times. I pay for my appointment, and it should be at least relaxing. Have your readers had the same experience? — MIKE IN NEW YORK
DEAR MIKE: I’m sure some of them have, unless they told the stylist they’re using they don’t like being treated that way. So speak up. As a paying customer, it is your privilege.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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