Dear Abby: If marriage isn’t better in a year, wife is out
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DEAR ABBY: My husband has less and less interest in me. It started with the last presidential election. Since then, I have cut way back on politics because he doesn’t want to hear any of it.
Being an activist on several fronts, including politics and other areas, this is a big, emotional part of who I am. I get so upset by his silences that I stop talking to him completely.
I’m spent from feeling so lonely, so unworthy of love, helpless, hopeless and powerless. I can’t take this much longer. He says he wants to be with me, and he has just started private therapy. I, too, am in therapy.
I was ready to draw up divorce papers when I suddenly changed my mind. I told him I’d wait a year for him to have his therapy, and then we’d review everything we had learned and proceed from there.
Have I made a mistake? Right now, I can’t stand to be around him. He can be the world’s greatest giver, but other times he’s a selfish, insensitive, arrogant know-it-all.
I don’t know if I’m still in love with him. Does this proposed one-year respite have any chance of working? — SAD WIFE IN BUFFALO
DEAR WIFE: Yes, it does. It appears that in the midst of your pain and turmoil you experienced a brief moment of clarity. Your decision to give your husband — and yourself — a year of therapy and then revisit the issue of divorce was both wise and brilliant.
You married each other for a reason; now give yourselves a chance to remember what it was.
DEAR ABBY: New neighbors moved in a few doors down from us. A few weeks later, they hosted an open house and invited about 15 families from the homes closest to theirs. They served food and graciously gave everyone a tour of the home, which had been completely renovated.
My husband and I arrived about the same time as another neighbor, and the three of us visited with our hostess. As she rolled out the red carpet, the other neighbor proceeded to talk about the history of the home — who had lived there and what the house had been like when she visited there as a friend of the previous owners.
She then announced that the man who owned the home years ago had committed suicide — in the home. The hostess maintained a gracious stance, but my husband and I were horrified.
Should the neighbor be told that her comment was inappropriate? — HORRIFIED IN THE EAST
DEAR HORRIFIED: Because the comment may have cast a pall over the housewarming, it was inappropriate. However, it may not have come as a complete surprise to the new owners.
In the state where I reside, real estate agents are required by law to disclose that there had been a death in the house (suicide, murder), which might affect the value of the property. If you feel the need to say something to the neighbor who made that tasteless comment, by all means do so.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year.
To all of you — may your fast be an easy, but meaningful, one.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)