Dear Abby: She punishes mom for getting remarried
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DEAR ABBY: I am 54. My daughter is 25 and married with two kids. Her dad and I have been divorced for almost 10 years.
Three years ago, I met a wonderful man. After dating for about a year, we were married. It’s been heavenly; I love my life.
My problem is my daughter. She’s angry that I remarried. She told me she should be first in my life.
She no longer calls me Mom and now calls me by my first name when she talks to me, which isn’t often. I am no longer allowed to be around her or my grandchildren. I am heartbroken. I feel like she expects me to choose between my husband and her.
Abby, she is married and has her own family. I was very lonely until I finally found happiness. I don’t want to be cut out of her life and I have no intention of leaving my husband. Please tell me what to do. — HEARTBROKEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: For your own emotional well-being, accept that you have an immature, selfish, resentful daughter who is determined to punish you for going on with your life.
Much as you might wish to, you can’t change another person. You can, however, change yourself by looking straight ahead and toughening up your hide. That your daughter would punish her children by depriving them of a grandmother who loves them for the reason she has is disgraceful.
My advice is to move on, and if you’re “stuck,” talk about it with a licensed mental health counselor.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are board members of a local club. Yesterday we attended a special board meeting intended to resolve an issue within the club.
Prior to the meeting, my wife and I agreed that we were against the proposed action. After much discussion, a voice vote was taken and I ended up casting the only “no” vote. I feel betrayed because my wife told me one thing and then did the exact opposite.
How do I move past this resentment? It’s difficult to have a rational discussion with her because she easily becomes angry and emotional. — DAVID IN FLORIDA
DEAR DAVID: Calmly ask your wife why she changed her vote after having agreed she would vote in sync with you. Then let her explain. And in the future, be prepared ahead of time to vote your conscience without support from her.
DEAR ABBY: I had to pick up two women and the first one was younger. When I picked her up, she got in the back seat so the older woman could sit in front. I thought she should have gotten in the front with me and then, when we got to the other house, got out and let the older woman in front.
Was I wrong to feel uncomfortable that she got in the back seat like I was some kind of chauffeur? It’s a petty annoyance, but my husband says what she did was OK. Just curious to see what you think. — JUDY IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR JUDY: I agree with your husband. By getting in the back seat, your passenger avoided the hassle of trading seats with the second person you were picking up. Logistically, what she did made sense.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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